Adult children of narcissists parents often struggle to name what happened to them.

In this episode, I’m joined again by Dr. Rachna Buxani, and we’re exploring the different faces of narcissism — and why it can be so hard to recognise.

While many people can spot the grandiose narcissist — the constant need to be the centre of attention, the arrogance, the lack of empathy — it’s the other, quieter forms of narcissism, that often go unnoticed and can be most confusing.

In this episode we explore more covert (or vulnerable) narcissism—the “poor me” dynamic, where someone positions themselves as the victim, appearing sensitive or misunderstood, while quietly centring everything around their own needs.

This can show up as guilt-tripping, emotional withdrawal, stonewalling and blame-shifting that leaves you feeling responsible for their pain.

We also look at communal narcissism — where the narcissist is widely seen as generous and selfless. They can be deeply admired in their community, yet behind closed doors it's a complexity different story. There is a constant need for admiration, validation and control. This makes the relationship confusing and one-sided — and you doubt yourself, especially when your experience doesn’t match how the world sees them.

This conversation about making sense of what you’ve lived through — so you can begin to rebuild self-trust, set boundaries, and reconnect with your voice.

Unseen - A Therapist's Reflection on a Daughter's Journey Through a Narcissistic Father's Shadow

Dr. Rachna Buxani-Mirpuri

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BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast

Becoming a mother is often spoken about as a time of softness. A time where a mother is held, supported, celebrated. Where care naturally gathers around her.

But for many adult children of narcissistic parents, pregnancy and having their own children can feel like the exact opposite.

Instead of support, there can be intrusion.
Instead of care, there can be control.
Instead of being seen, there can be a sudden and overwhelming sense of being claimed.

In this week’s episode of Beyond Survival – The Therapy Podcast, I’m joined by Kristin Morgan, who brings over a decade of experience in maternal mental health and reproductive psychology. Together, we explore the emotional complexity that can arise when an adult child steps into motherhood while still navigating a relationship with a narcissistic parent.

Because for many, pregnancy doesn’t just mark the beginning of a new life — it marks the re-emergence of old patterns.

Contact Kristin: www.morgancounsel.com

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BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast

When you’re raised by a narcissistic parent, the harm doesn’t come labelled as abuse.

It comes wrapped in concern, protection, closeness, and sacrifice. “This is for your own good.” “I’m only saying this because I love you.”

Over time, these messages don’t just justify the behaviour — they shape how you understand yourself.

In this episode, I unpack one of the most confusing and painful questions for adult children: How did I not know it was abuse?

The reason you didn’t see it wasn’t because you missed something. It’s because it was never meant to be seen.

Through real-life examples, this episode breaks down the subtle ways narcissistic abuse hides in plain sight — from criticism framed as care, to control framed as protection, to emotional enmeshment disguised as closeness. I also look at why, even in adulthood, so many adults continue to turn the blame inward — and why that response makes sense.

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BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast

There is such a thing as Healthy Anger — but if you grew up around narcissistic rage, that can feel hard to believe.

In this solo episode, I untangle the belief many adult children of narcissistic parents carry: the learned belief that anger is dangerous, destructive, or something to fear within yourself.

When anger was only ever modelled as explosive outbursts or cold withdrawal, it makes sense that your system learned to shut it down entirely — or to associate it with shame.

I explore the crucial difference between anger, aggression, and rage. My hope is that you’ll begin to see anger — not as something that turns you into “them” — but as a clean, protective signal from your nervous system. A signal that something matters. That something isn’t right. That something is wrong or unfair or unjustified.

Our Healthy Anger signals to us that we deserve care, respect, and boundaries. That we exist. That we matter.

I also look at narcissistic rage — what drives it, why it feels so destabilising, and why it was never actually about you.

This is a steady, clarifying conversation about reclaiming anger as something safe, informative, and deeply self-respecting. Not something to act out — but something you’re allowed to feel.

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BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast

Anyone listening to an abusive parent in action can easily interpret the other parent’s silence as safety. Because they don’t join in, they can appear to be “the good parent” — the one who feels more trustworthy, more stable, more protective.

But silence in these dynamics is rarely neutral.

In this episode, I explore the often-overlooked role of the passive or non-abusive parent — and how their inaction, minimisation, or inability to protect can shape a child’s experience just as deeply. I discuss the confusion this creates, the loyalty binds it reinforces, and the long-term impact it can have on how safety, trust, and relationships are understood in adulthood.

This is a compassionate, nuanced conversation — not about blame, but about seeing clearly what was missing, so you can begin to make sense of your experience with more honesty and self-trust.

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BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast

When you grow up in a narcissistic family, you don’t get the space to become yourself. Your wants are dismissed, your needs are overlooked, and your boundaries are annihilated. So in healing, we’re not just recovering — we’re learning who we are for the first time.

One part of identity that often gets left out of this conversation is sexuality and desire.

For many people, this area is deeply impacted. A narcissistic parent can blur boundaries, sexualise, shame and create confusion around sex, sexuality and desire. And that can leave you feeling disconnected from your body, your desires, and your sense of agency.

In this episode, I’m joined by sex educator and intimacy coach Grace Alice OShea to explore sexuality in a way that feels safe, grounded, and shame-free.

We talk about how early experiences shape our relationship with sex and intimacy, and how to begin reconnecting with yourself—at your own pace, in your own way.

This is a gentle, honest conversation to help you release shame, understand your experience, and begin to reclaim this part of yourself.

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BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast

When raised in a narcissistic system, sibling bonds can become both a lifeline and a source of deep emotional strain.

In todays letter, we discuss the often unspoken dynamic of sibling abuse, trauma bonding, family roles, addiction, and the emotional toll of being the cycle breaker.

Ruth and I explore what happens when one sibling begins the healing journey — setting boundaries, going no contact, and breaking generational cycles — while others remain caught in addiction, mental health struggles, and unresolved trauma.

There’s often the guilt of leaving. The pressure to rescue. The cost of being cast as “the strong one.” And the heartbreak of watching siblings suffer while trying to protect your own peace.

Growing up in a home marked by alcoholism, narcissistic parenting, domestic violence, neglect, and abuse, today’s story reflects what many adult children of dysfunctional families quietly carry.

It also speaks to the reality of holding compassion without self-abandonment, especially when your own healing, your children, and your nervous system need to come first.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “How do I support my siblings without losing myself?”—this conversation offers a grounded, trauma-aware space to reflect on that question.

Because healing doesn’t mean you stop caring.
But it does ask you to choose where your responsibility begins — and ends.

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BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast

This week a listener describes what it was like to grow up largely invisible and also scapegoated, while their older sister held the role of the golden child.

With a covertly narcissistic mother and an overtly narcissistic father, achievements, independence, and curiosity were mocked rather than celebrated, while approval always seemed just out of reach. Praise was offered to strangers, but rarely, if ever, directly to the child who longed to hear it.

The story also touches on boundary violations, body shaming, and the subtle but powerful ways children learn to survive within dysfunctional systems — becoming the “good child,” the high achiever, the one who stays quiet and contained in order to maintain stability.

But the dynamics didn’t stay in childhood. When this listener became a parent and began setting boundaries, the family system escalated in ways that will feel painfully familiar to many who grew up in similar environments.

If you grew up in a family where love felt conditional, where roles were rigid, or where your reality was often dismissed, this story may resonate deeply.

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BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast