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CPTB is a conversational, funny, and thoughtful take on this week's Bible readings — for preachers, church leaders, deconstructors, and curious listeners who still love scripture, even when they're not sure what to do with it. We explore the text with humor and theological depth, without certainty, outrage, or easy answers.

On this Short Take episode of Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible, it's Easter Sunday — and the tomb is empty, the guards have fainted, and Jesus is already ahead of you in Galilee.

Also, he's a little extra. He didn't have to show up to meet the women on their way to tell the disciples. Everything that needed to happen had already happened. He just wanted to.

This week we're asking: why is Easter harder to commodify than Christmas? Who sent the women to preach the gospel first — and what does that mean? What is a participation trophy, and did Jesus earn one? And why, if you've never been to a Holy Week service, is this the week to find one?

Also: Charles Dickens ruined Christmas. We have receipts.

Join Pastor Bob Schaefer, Pastor Eric Damon, and resident comic theologians Abby Evans (@itsabbye) and Erick Williams (@comicaledubs) for a Short Take that somehow ends with everyone going "yaaaay."

Matthew 28:1–10 (NRSVue)

[1] After the sabbath, as the first day of the week was dawning, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb. [2] And suddenly there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord, descending from heaven, came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. [3] His appearance was like lightning and his clothing white as snow. [4] For fear of him the guards shook and became like dead men. [5] But the angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus who was crucified. [6] He is not here, for he has been raised, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. [7] Then go quickly and tell his disciples, 'He has been raised from the dead, and indeed he is going ahead of you to Galilee; there you will see him.' This is my message for you." [8] So they left the tomb quickly with fear and great joy and ran to tell his disciples. [9] Suddenly Jesus met them and said, "Greetings!" And they came to him, took hold of his feet, and worshiped him. [10] Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers and sisters to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

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Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
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Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Comedians with Pastors Talking Bible is where standup comedians and ELCA pastors sit down to discuss the week's lectionary readings—the same passages that preachers around the world will proclaim the following Sunday. It's theology, comedy, and irreverence in conversation.

This week: Palm Sunday—the reading that opens with triumph and closes with catastrophe. Pastor Bob sits down with returning guests Cassi Bruno (@cassi_dicci) and Lou Pastorius (@notorious_pastorius) to talk about what it means when Jesus enters Jerusalem looking like a king, then gets arrested. But here's where theology gets interesting: what if the cross is the triumph? What if God's idea of victory looks nothing like ours?

Expect: Heated debates about burning phone books and nerf balls with magnifying glasses. An extended ASMR tangent that somehow becomes theological. Bob explaining why he preaches the entire passion narrative as a play. And a closing theological flourish on the word "eucatastrophe"—a good catastrophic event. (Yes, someone needs to tell you what that means, and yes, it matters.)

Tangents: Mukbang. Misophonia. The psychology of childhood fire-starting. Jonathan Groff's theatrical spit.

"That is what triumph looks like—the cross, the grave, the stone rolled away."

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Matthew 21:1–11 (NRSVue)

[1] When they had come near Jerusalem and had reached Bethphage, at the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two disciples, [2] saying to them, “Go into the village ahead of you, and immediately you will find a donkey tied and a colt with her; untie them and bring them to me. [3] If anyone says anything to you, just say this, ‘The Lord needs them.’ And he will send them immediately.” [4] This took place to fulfill what had been spoken through the prophet: [5] “Tell the daughter of Zion, Look, your king is coming to you, humble and mounted on a donkey, and on a colt, the foal of a donkey.” [6] The disciples went and did as Jesus had directed them; [7] they brought the donkey and the colt and put their cloaks on them, and he sat on them. [8] A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, and others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. [9] The crowds that went ahead of him and that followed were shouting, “Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest heaven!” [10] When he entered Jerusalem, the whole city was in turmoil, asking, “Who is this?” [11] The crowds were saying, “This is the prophet Jesus from Nazareth in Galilee.”

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

Join the community!
Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
Find us at @cptbpod on most social media platforms.
More at linktr.ee/cptbpod

Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Every week, CPTB brings together Pittsburgh stand-up comedians and Lutheran pastors to read scripture from the Revised Common Lectionary — no prep, no filter, no guarantees.

Lazarus is dead. Four days dead. Stinky dead. Jesus knew it was coming, waited anyway, and now he's standing outside a sealed tomb asking people to roll the stone away. This is the most dramatic thing he's ever done — and he absolutely did not have to make it this dramatic.

Expect:

• A brand new format: the whistle interruption system, road-tested on 45 verses of John
• Why "this illness is for God's glory" is a theologically loaded thing to say out loud
• Thomas the Twin as ride-or-die disciple, rehabilitated at last
• The trauma of being asked to open a tomb you know smells terrible
• Jesus as vampire, per Abby Evans, and why she's not entirely wrong
• The difference between resuscitation and resurrection — and why it matters heading into Holy Week
• Eric refusing to wrap things up with good news, because it's Lent 5 and Holy Week is right there

Don't miss: Erick Williams on the short-sighted irony of plotting to kill a man who can raise the dead.

"He's not going to do a David Lynch TV show. He was not in a coma. He's dead." — Pastor Eric Damon

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John 11:1–45 (NRSVue)

This one's too long to fit in our episode notes - grab your Bible and look it up!

Hosted by Pastor Eric Damon and Pastor Bob Schaefer.

Join the community!
Email us at cptbpod@gmail.com.
Find us at @cptbpod on most social media platforms.
More at linktr.ee/cptbpod

Music: Trickster by Phat Sounds
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/10864-trickster
Licensed under CC BY 4.0: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

Scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition. Copyright © 2021 National Council of Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.