What social media is quietly doing to your identity — and how to take it back

Six hundred lives. Three years. Real impact happening right in front of me.

And I almost missed all of it because I was too busy staring at a follower count.

That is where this episode started. Not with a theory or a trending topic — but with a personal wake up call that made me stop and look honestly at what social media was doing to me. How it had quietly handed me a measuring stick that had nothing to do with my actual assignment. And how I did not even realize I had picked it up.

In this episode of Designed Anyway we are having an honest conversation about how social media shapes your identity, rewires your sense of worth, and slowly crowds out the voice you need most — often without you ever making a conscious decision to let it.

We are also talking about what to do about it. Practically. Spiritually. In a way that does not require you to delete everything and move to a cabin in the woods.

This episode is for you if —

You have ever measured your progress against someone else's page and come up feeling behind. You have finished a scroll session and felt further from yourself than when you started. You have wondered why God feels distant and your phone feels closer. You know something needs to shift but you are not sure where to begin.

Grab your phone. Open your saved folder. And let's get into it.

Scriptures referenced — all from the New Living Translation:1 John 2:15-16 — Romans 12:2 — Proverbs 29:25 — Mark 4:19 — Romans 8:5-6 — Philippians 4:8 — Ephesians 2:10 — Romans 8:28-29

Topics: social media and faith — identity in Christ — comparison culture — digital habits and faith — Christian mindset — purpose and calling — social media and mental health — faith podcast — hearing from God — intentional living — self worth in Christ — spiritual growth — overcoming comparison — Christian lifestyle — social media detox

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode includes honest conversation about toxic relationships, domestic violence, and emotional harm. If any of these topics feel heavy today, please take care of yourself first. Resources are at the bottom of this description.

Some of the hardest relationships to leave are the ones we never expected to hurt us.

Not a stranger. Not an enemy. Someone we chose. Someone we trusted. Someone who had a seat at our table, a key to our home, a permanent place in our lives. And somehow, over time, that relationship became something we had to survive instead of something we got to live in.

If you know that feeling — this episode is for you.

If someone you love knows that feeling and you have not known how to show up for them — this episode is for you too.

Episode 10 of Designed Anyway goes somewhere most podcasts will not. Yolanda draws from her own story — years of hiding, of shrinking, of giving fear a more acceptable name — and from over a decade of walking alongside hundreds of women through domestic violence, toxic friendships, and the kind of complicated family dynamics that rarely get named out loud but almost everyone has lived.

This is not a lecture. This is not a list of things you should have done differently. This is an honest conversation, anchored in God's word, about what it actually looks like to love people well — including yourself.

We cover all three layers:

Romantic relationships — what the cycle actually looks like and why it is designed to keep you in it

Family — why blood does not automatically mean safe, and what God actually asks of you when peace is not possible

Friendships — the relationship nobody talks about enough, and why who you do life with is a spiritual decision not just a social one

And the four practical steps — grounded in scripture — for what to actually do when you are ready to move forward

"The grass withers and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever."— Isaiah 40:8 NLT

That is the only foundation this conversation is built on. Not opinion. Not trend. Not church culture. His word. And it holds.

📩 You do not have to figure out the next step alone.

If you need prayer, mentorship, or help finding the right resources — Yolanda wants to hear from you.

Reach out directly at askyolanda@godsizedarchitect.com

🆘 Crisis & Support Resources

If you or someone you love needs support right now — these resources are available.

National Domestic Violence HotlineCall 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 — available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week

Crisis Text LineText HOME to 741741 — available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week

RAINNrainn.org

Open Path CollectiveAffordable Christian counseling — openpathcollective.org

Therapy for Black Girlstherapyforblackgirls.com

📲 Before you go

If this episode reached you somewhere real — share it. There is someone in your life who needs to hear it and does not know this conversation exists yet.

Follow Designed Anyway so you never miss an episode. Leave a comment and tell us what you took away from today — we read every single one.

You are Designed Anyway.

A real conversation about peace, pressure, and what it looks like to show up for your life without losing yourself Soft girl era” is everywhere right now.

Rest more. Do less. Protect your peace. Choose ease.

And honestly… a lot of it sounds like exactly what we’ve needed.

But here’s the question this episode sits with—without rushing to judge it or dismiss it:

What does that actually look like in real life?

Because for some women, “softness” feels like relief.
For others, it feels… out of reach.

What happens when you’re the one holding everything together?
When your life doesn’t pause just because you’re tired?
When rest sounds good in theory—but responsibility is still waiting for you in the morning?

This isn’t a conversation about trends or aesthetics.

This is a real, grounded look at:

• What it means to choose peace without checking out of your life
• How rest and responsibility can actually coexist
• Why gentleness isn’t weakness—and never was
• And how to tell the difference between true rest and quiet avoidance

We also take a moment to honor the women who came before us—the ones who carried more than they ever talked about—and how their strength shaped the lives we’re living now.

And for the woman who feels like she doesn’t have the luxury to slow down?

There’s space for you here too.

This episode isn’t here to tell you you’re doing it wrong.
It’s here to help you ask better, more honest questions about the life you’re living—and the pace you’re keeping.

Because maybe this isn’t about choosing between being soft or being strong.

Maybe it’s about learning how to live in a way that actually sustains you.

If this conversation meets you somewhere real, share it with someone who’s been carrying more than she says out loud.

You’re not behind.
You’re not doing life wrong.
You might just need a new rhythm.

Softness isn’t the goal. Wholeness is.