Episode 1: Kids Do Well If They Can

Guest: Dr. Ross Greene

In this powerful opening episode, Dr. Kristan Shimpi interviews Ross Greene, the psychologist behind the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model and the widely known phrase:

“Kids do well if they can.”

Dr. Greene is the author of:

• The Explosive Child
• The Kids Who Aren't Okay

What We Cover in This Episode

1. What Is Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS)?

Dr. Greene explains how CPS shifts the lens away from willful defiance and toward lagging skills (including flexibility, frustration tolerance, and problem-solving).

Kristan shares how structured language and scripts can help overwhelmed parents stay regulated during tough conversations.

2. “Kids Do Well If They Can”

What does this phrase really mean?

When we assume children would do well if they had the skills, everything changes:

• Less blame
• More curiosity
• More collaboration

3. Tools for Self-Regulation

We discuss stress responses (fight, flight, and freeze) and why shutdown is often misunderstood as defiance.

Kristan shares:

• How she modified the Incredible 5-Point Scale
• A memorable parenting moment when her own daughter called out a “size 5 reaction to a size 2 problem”

And proof that teaching regulation works, even when it humbles you.

4. Why Rewards and Consequences Often Fail

Sticker charts. Loss of privileges. Bigger incentives.

If behavior stems from lagging skills, consequences do not build those skills.

Kristan shares a story of a student who made progress not by “behaving,” but by being able to name that his behavior was “unexpected.” That awareness was growth.

5. One Small Shift Parents Can Try This Week

Instead of:

“Why did you do that?”

Try:

“What was hard about that?”

This small change lowers defensiveness and opens collaboration.

6. For Parents Who Feel Like They Failed

You cannot consequence your way into regulation.

If strategies have not worked, that does not mean you failed.
It means the approach did not match your child’s wiring.

7. How to Know You Are on the Right Path

Watch for:

• More communication
• Faster recovery
• Increased connection

Behavior is often the last thing to shift.

Mentioned in This Episode

• The Explosive Child
• The Kids Who Aren't Okay
• Dr. Greene’s websites:
  • https://drrossgreene.com
  • https://livesinthebalance.org

Continue the Work

If this conversation resonated with you:

Educating the Uniquely Wired Child: The Workbook
https://payhip.com/b/EfVmr

Join our private parent community:
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Contact:
uniquely.wired.child@gmail.com

About the Host

Dr. Kristan Shimpi is an educational consultant, former school-based behavior specialist, and founder of Educating the Uniquely Wired Child. Her work focuses on building family systems that support executive function, regulation, and strength-based growth for neurodivergent children.

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