Witches! Dancers! Bright colors! Creepy music! Killer dogs! What more could we ask for? Suspiria (1977) is a horror classic, and Suzy is a classic Final Girl. But is she an “outrun the killer” girlie or “stab the killer’s sparkly ghost outline with broken crystal plumage” girlie? This week we’re covering this Argento classic and its dreamlike vibes, whether the witchcraft was legit or not, the lack of plot, and everything in between.

Spoilers ahead!

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Hot zombie survival tip: blend in by making your face vacant with a hint of sadness like a drunk who lost a bet. This week we’re covering the Final Girl adventure of Liz from Shaun of the Dead (2004). She’s sick of her boyfriend’s sh*t and his inability to act like an adult. And what woman hasn’t been there, so we don’t blame her - but can a zombie apocalypse save her relationship? Let’s find out.

Warning, spoilers ahead!

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Au revoir poor Johnny! Pearl is the brutal and delirious Final Girl Villain of Ti West's 2022 Pearl, part of the X trilogy. With so many unsettling scenes and so many genuine WTF moments, this film is bound to be a cult classic and we can't decide if we're here for it or not. Also, did anyone else catch the parallels to The Wizard of Oz? Just us?

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PUMP IT UP! This week, we’re not holding back while we dissect the heavy-handed messages in The Substance (2024) about aging, body dysmorphia, and the general f*ckery of being a woman who happens to get older. Elisabeth and Sue share the title of Final Girl in this one, because they both find themselves up against a sinister antagonist threatening their sense of worth: The Patriarchy (particularly The Hollywood Patriarchy.) Is this one of the few movies you can leave and then feel BETTER about yourself? We think so…

Warning, spoilers ahead!

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It Follows (2014) has become a modern classic, and Jay has become a modern classic Final Girl. Haunted by trauma and a shapeshifting entity, Jay is not a typical Final Girl because she doesn’t get to toughen up or confront her villain. Instead, she must navigate the horrors reactively and depend on her friends to get through it. We love this movie, although it’s very somber and full of dread, because it truly leaves you guessing in every scene - is something following? And does anyone know where Sarah can get one of those clamshell e-readers?

Spoilers ahead!

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In this highly requested episode, we analyze Jawbreaker’s (1999) Fern Mayo/Vylette’s Final-ish Girl and her journey from invisible quiet nerd to Angelyne-coded bombshell. We cover if Julie is the TRUE Final Girl (probably) and the iconic Courtney (Satan in Heels) and the movie’s nasty candy namesake. She’s so evil, and she’s only in high school!

Beware, spoilers ahead!

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Wizard of Wiggle! Writer dreams and professional f*ckery! Wearing rings on top of gloves! This week, we're breaking down the Final Girl story of Ariel from Opus (2025), the A24 cult movie about a writer who finds herself in a slobbery, bloody situation at the compound of an aging pop star in the middle of nowhere, Utah. Will she escape before the Kool-Aid? Will she get a book deal or a byline by the time she's 35, which is basically 40? Time will tell!

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Good evening, Clarice! This week, we're covering the Final Girl story of Clarice Starling from The Silence of the Lambs (1991), one of our most competent Final Girls so far. Portrayed brilliantly by Jodie Foster, Clarice ABSOLUTELY is a Final Girl because she is vulnerable, strong, thoughtful, intentional, and just an overall badass. She feels like she has a lot to prove as a cadet in the FBI academy surrounded by a bunch of dudes who hit on her, and she does it all in spades. Warning, there are spoilers ahead!

Note: we use he/him pronouns for Buffalo Bill in this episode, as the character has been universally accepted as identifying as male.

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