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Philippe d’Orléans is back! And it's no more Mr. Nice Queen thanks to his brother, Louis XIV, and his bitchass absolutist ways.

In Part Two of our series on Philippe, this fabulous fuckboi nepo baby pass around party bottom of 17th century France, our hero is getting fed up with playing second fiddle.

Fresh off the suspicious death (aka murder?) of his wife and the return to court of his chaotic boyfriend, the Chevalier de Lorraine, Philippe dives headfirst into the messy latter half of his astonishing life.

A brilliant military strategist, he will win a major victory for France (which Louis just cannot handle) and get himself banned from ever holding a future post in the army.

He will marry his second wife, the fantastically witty Madame Palatine (aka Liselotte of the Rhineland), and try her patience by spending all her money on his conniving boyfriends.

He will also become the second richest man in France after his brother, thanks to inheritances, real estate development (is there anything gayer?), and a private collection of Chinese porcelains that Bash is looking to purchase, if anyone has any leads.

The playboy becomes the player, in other words, though Louis will continue to play him at every turn. And when Philippe's son starts getting passed up for army jobs – things get heated rivalry (but not sexy, just kind of plain rivalry).

In fact, things get so heated rivalry that heads begin to roll...but in the end, Philippe will have the last word.

🎧 Listen on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Apple Podcasts⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, or wherever you pod. Lace cuffs and Ming Dynasty butt plugs (porcelain) sold separately.

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⭐ Most importantly, if you like what you hear, please do leave us a ⭐ FIVE STAR ONLY ⭐ review.

Episode Credits
Written and hosted by Bash
Edited by Alex Toskas
Produced by Dani Henion
Guest: Dr. Jonathan Spangler

© Sebastian Hendra 2026

To access extended episodes of Historical Homos, join our Patreon. Our community awaits with legs open and lips parted 🤤

www.patreon.com/historicalhomos

Everyone knows about Louis XIV, the Sun King of 17th century France, who built Versailles, slept with every noblewoman in France, and invented men wearing high heels (see, straight people can do the right thing sometimes!).

But did you know his brother, Philippe, was gayer than Christmas?

Raised as the “spare” heir to the French throne, Philippe was never destined to rule, but that didn’t stop him from becoming fabulously rich, politically influential, and very well-acquainted with the rectums of Versailles' male population.

From childhood drag to a 40-year-old relationship with his favourite, the Chevalier de Lorraine, Philippe lived a life that was equal parts power, party, and pig bottom realness.

In Part One of our series on Philippe, we travel back to a France where “homosexuality” didn’t quite exist yet, but sodomy and bisexual libertinism very much did. We unpack Philippe’s early years, the politics of being a royal second son (which Bash understands firsthand), and how Philippe tried to carve out a role for himself in the shadow of the Sun King – all while assembling a harem of triflin' pansies, sorry I mean loving, aristocratic boyfriends*.

In 17th century France, as in every period of human history, the only crime was being boring. And Philippe was anything but.

🎧 Listen now on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Apple Podcasts⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, or wherever you pod. Shepherdess gowns and diamond-studded heels sold separately.

📱 Follow Historical Homos on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and do ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠sign up to our newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ if you care about gay people, like, at all.

⭐ Most importantly, if you like what you hear, please do leave us a ⭐ FIVE STAR ONLY ⭐ review.

Episode Credits
Written and hosted by Bash
Edited by Alex Toskas
Produced by Dani Henion
Guest: Dr. Jonathan Spangler

© Sebastian Hendra 2026

To access extended episodes of Historical Homos, join our Patreon.
Our community awaits with legs open and lips parted 🤤

www.patreon.com/historicalhomos

*

THE ANCIENT ROMANS HAD A GOD OF BIG DICK ENERGY AND WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT.
GIRLS AND BOYS, MEET PRIAPUS. 🍆

Remember when the internet decided Pete Davidson had a giant schlong? Well, turns out people have been fantasizing about hung humans since the Ancient Romans.

Everyone always complains that the marble statues of antiquity seem to have surprisingly small penises – was everyone micro back then? What did the size queens do?

But the truth is – the ancient world was full of dicks, big and small. There were dicks on houses, at intersections, in art, and of course, in milady's bedside table.

AND – dicks were actually sacred to the ancients!

From the phallic Herms that warded off evil to Priapus' fertility-granting member, Big Dick Energy was everywhere. Because dicks were a symbol of agricultural power, magical protection, and prosperity.

2,000 years ago, Cock was King.

But it wasn’t all rainbows and dildos. In Greece, big dicks were a joke, a sign of an oversexed – and therefore unrestrained – man. Meanwhile, the Romans took things in a more violent direction (surprise). Which is why they turned the Hung Horny Goat Weed, Priapus, son of Dionysus and Aphrodite, into a toxic masculinity fantasy of sexual violence.

This fantasy of priapic domination was unique to the Romans in the ancient world – the Greeks preferred to model self-restraint and wisdom, which of course is the unique jurisdiction of the average-size penis.

But really…let’s be honest.
If a 10-foot marble Hercules walked in with his tiny little “11th toe”?

You’d be so fucking down.

🎧 Listen now on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Apple Podcasts⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, or wherever you pod. Giant garden gnome dildo sold separately.
📱 Follow @historical.homos on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and sign up to our newsletter at www.historicalhomos.com if you care about gay people, like, at all.
⭐ FIVE STAR ONLY ⭐ reviews are welcome, encouraged, and financially rewarded. (Kidding.) (Maybe.)

Episode Credits
Written and hosted by Bash.
Edited by Alex Toskas.
Produced by Dani Henion.