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We speak with family lawyer and Divorce Detox founder Cassandra Calpaxis about how coercive control can continue through separation and be amplified by the family court process. We focus on practical steps that protect victim survivors, strengthen evidence, and reduce the chaos that abusers rely on.

• what systems abuse looks like in family court and how it plays out in real time

• last-minute disclosure, repeated filings, and baseless allegations as coercive tactics

• record keeping as protection against gaslighting and memory disruption

• why affidavits carry so much weight at interim hearings

• how recent family law reforms sharpen the focus on child safety and safe co-parenting

• early warning signs of emotional abuse including love-bombing and isolation

• technology-facilitated abuse through tracking, social media maps, AirTags and smart devices

• why coercive control prosecutions are rare and what that means on the ground

• practical ways to make court safer including remote appearances and safety plans

• the childcare and breastfeeding gaps that still disadvantage women

• decompression and vicarious trauma strategies for people working in this space

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Episode Resources

You can chat with DV specific AI, Aimee Says 24/7 at https://www.ladynews.com.au/

https://kalpaxislegal.com.au/about-us/

https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/PowerandControl.pdf

You can also live chat with https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

and https://1800respect.org.au/online-chat-1800respect

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In this episode of Lady News, we sit down with Robin Ray, CEO of Beryl Women Inc. in Canberra, to unpack economic abuse as a powerful and often hidden tactic of domestic and family violence.

Robin is a proud Kamilaroi woman born in the small NSW country town of Collarenebri, where she grew up on the Aboriginal Reserve. Before becoming CEO, she worked within the service as an Aboriginal Support Worker, gaining deep frontline experience supporting women escaping violence and navigating complex systems.

In our conversation, Robin explains how financial control is woven through everyday life for women experiencing abuse - from stolen identity documents and coerced access to Centrelink accounts, to blocked bank access and debts taken out in a woman’s name. Often these tactics remain hidden until a woman tries to take a simple step toward independence - like buying groceries, catching a bus, or opening her own bank account.

Drawing on decades of frontline experience, Robin speaks about the intergenerational patterns of violence she has witnessed: mothers arriving at services with their children, and those same children returning years later as adults needing support. These realities pushed Beryl to reshape its model around trauma-informed, wraparound care.

Sometimes the first steps to safety are practical ones - replacing identity documents, securing income, opening a bank account, enrolling children in school. Only once stability begins to return is there space to process the deeper story.

Robin also reflects on how systemic barriers compound risk, particularly for Aboriginal women who may face racism, poverty, and historic distrust of institutions, as well as limited safe access to financial services.

The conversation also shines a light on gaps within the support system itself: crisis funding models built around three-month stays when real recovery often takes nine to twelve months or more; older women and women with disabilities falling through service gaps; and children frequently treated as secondary to a parent’s case rather than as clients with their own needs.

Through initiatives like Beryl’s therapy van, counselling and support can reach families directly, removing transport and cost barriers and ensuring that early intervention and prevention are more than just policy language.

The message running through Robin’s work is simple but profound: real safety is built through trust, time and community - not quick fixes.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Power & Control Wheel

https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wheels/

Beryl Women Inc. (Canberra)
https://beryl.org.au

Donate to Beryl Women
https://beryl.org.au/donate

Domestic Violence Crisis Service ACT
https://dvcs.org.au

📞 02 6280 0900

1800RESPECT – National Domestic Violence Support
https://www.1800respect.org.au

📞 1800 737 732

Women's Legal Centre ACT

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We speak with Anne Wintermute from Aimee Says AI about how abuse often reveals itself through patterns and how this free tool can help survivors recognise coercive control before it's too late.

Together, we unpack the power-and-control wheel and connect it to real-world experiences: rapid emotional escalation, post-separation abuse, and the exhausting administrative burden of seeking justice.

In this episode, we explore:

• recognising coercive control through patterns and impact
• how Aimee Says analyses messages and flags boundary violations
• early warnings, including overwhelming early attention and subtle disrespect
• building language for court, documentation and safety planning
• post-separation abuse and the paperwork survivors are forced to carry
• practical boundary tests to gauge respect
• reframing “small” incidents as evidence of control
• why systems move slowly and how demand can drive change

🎧 Unlock premium features on Aimee Says free for a month using the promo code LadyNews.

You can also access the free 24/7 chat via ladynews.com.au.

Australian National Support & Crisis Lines

1800RESPECT

• 24/7 confidential support: Information, counselling and referrals for people affected by sexual assault, domestic and family violence.
• Phone: 1800 737 732
• Online chat available via the website.

Domestic Violence Helplines (State/Territory)

• NSW Domestic Violence Line: 24/7 counselling, safety planning, referrals and support — 1800 65 64 63.
• DVConnect Womensline (QLD): Support including crisis counselling and safe refuge information — 1800 811 811.
• DVConnect Mensline (QLD): Support for men affected by family violence — 1800 600 636.

Rainbow & Specialist Lines

• Full Stop Australia: 24/7 support for people of all genders impacted by domestic and family violence.
• Rainbow Domestic & Family Violence Helpline: Support for LGBTIQ+ individuals — 1800 497 212.

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