What happens when sex stops being about desire and starts becoming about obligation?

In this episode, I’m unpacking one of the most common dynamics I see in marriages: one partner feeling responsible for sex, while the other feels dependent on it for connection, reassurance, or validation. On the surface, it can look loving. But underneath, it creates pressure, resentment, emotional management, and a slow erosion of genuine desire.

I talk about why treating sex like a “need” often kills the very intimacy couples are trying to create, and the difference between saying yes from strength versus saying yes from fear, obligation, or self-betrayal.

We also explore:

• Why pressure destroys attraction
• The difference between desire and caretaking
• What “wanting from strength” actually looks like
• How both partners unintentionally participate in these patterns
• Why real intimacy requires freedom and choice
• The shift from managing your partner to taking responsibility for yourself

This conversation is about far more than sex. It’s about integrity, emotional maturity, self-confrontation, and becoming someone who can fully choose their relationship instead of operating from fear, pressure, or control.

If you’ve felt stuck in the same painful dynamic for years and haven’t known how to change it, this episode will help you start looking at the pattern differently.

If you’re not already on my email list, make sure to join it so you’re the first to hear about upcoming retreat dates and early access opportunities.

Subscribe HERE.

Forgiving your parents can feel like the one thing you just can’t do, especially when the pain is real and justified.

In this episode, I’m sharing the shift that changed everything for me.

For years, I stayed stuck in blame. It helped me make sense of my past… but it also kept me tied to it. And that’s the part we don’t talk about enough.

This conversation isn’t about excusing what happened or dismissing your anger. It’s about understanding why blame—no matter how valid it feels—can quietly keep you from actually healing.

I break down:

• The difference between blame and responsibility (and why it matters)
• How blame keeps you psychologically tied to your parents
• Why anger is necessary, but blame is optional
• The role of generational patterns and inherited trauma
• How to shift into a place of agency without invalidating your experience

This is the work that allows you to stop living in reaction to your past—and start creating something different moving forward.

If you’ve done a lot of healing work but still feel stuck here, this episode will give you a new way to look at it.

Next step:

If this resonated and you’re ready to go deeper, I invite you to book a Discovery Call. This is the kind of shift that changes how you show up in every area of your life, including how you lead, parent, and relate.

If you’ve ever been called out by your partner and instantly felt the urge to shut down, defend yourself, or spiral into self-criticism—this episode will help you understand why.

Because the issue usually isn’t a lack of self-awareness.

It’s what happens after you see it.

In this episode, I’m breaking down the connection between self-compassion, accountability, and the patterns that show up in your relationship—especially the ones that create distance instead of connection.

We’re talking about:

• Why defensiveness and shame show up so quickly
• The difference between guilt and shame (and why it matters)
• How your “adaptive child” is shaping your reactions
• What it actually looks like to take responsibility without tearing yourself apart
• How to respond differently instead of reacting on autopilot

This work isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about understanding the parts of you that were built for survival—and choosing how you want to show up now.

And if you’re noticing these patterns play out in your marriage and you’re not sure how to break the cycle on your own, this is exactly the kind of work I support couples through.

👉 You can book a discovery call HERE

In this episode, Brent joins me as we unpack a dynamic that quietly erodes so many marriages: using love as a reward.

For years, we were stuck in a painful cycle—one of us trying to earn love, the other withholding it. The more we pushed, the more disconnected we became. Resentment built. Criticism increased. Withdrawal followed. And neither of us felt seen, valued, or understood.

What finally changed everything was a simple but confronting shift:

love isn’t something your partner earns—it’s a reflection of who you choose to be.

We’re sharing what that looked like in our relationship, including:

• The criticism-withdrawal cycle we couldn’t break
• How validation-seeking showed up (and backfired)
• The moment we each had to face ourselves honestly
• Why withholding love never creates the change you want
• What it actually looks like to love without conditions (without losing yourself)

This isn’t about ignoring bad behavior or avoiding boundaries. It’s about stepping out of control patterns and choosing how you show up—regardless of what your partner does.

If you’ve ever felt taken for granted, unseen, or stuck in the same arguments on repeat, this conversation will help you see your relationship—and yourself—differently.

And more importantly, it will show you what’s actually within your control to change.

If you’re a survivor of abuse trying to rebuild your life or your marriage, you’ve probably turned to self-help hoping something would finally click.

I know I did.

For years, I read book after book thinking I had found the missing piece, only to close it and find myself stuck in the same patterns.

In this episode, I’m sharing five books that genuinely changed how I see myself, my marriage, and what it actually takes to create lasting change.

I walk through:

• The difference between surface-level self-help and principle-based change
• How I stopped seeing myself as powerless in my life and relationships
• What anger and patterns are really trying to show you
• Why shifting your role in a relationship can feel worse before it gets better
• How your past shaped your patterns—and what to do about it now
• What gets in the way of desire and intimacy, and how to better understand it

This episode is really about one core shift: information isn’t what changes your life, application is.

From Insight to Change (Beta)

A small number of 1:1 coaching spots where you’ll choose one book from this episode and get support actually applying it to your life.

If you’ve been doing the work but still feel stuck in the same patterns, this is for you.

4 weeks of coaching (1-hour sessions each week)

$197 total • Limited spots

If you’re interested, email me at robyn@mynameiscourage.com with the subject line “Insight to Change” and include:

• The book you want to focus on
• Where you feel most stuck

If it’s a good fit, I’ll reach out with next steps.

In this episode, I’m sharing a recent shift in my healing from sexual abuse and how it’s been showing up in my marriage.

After years of progress, intimacy started feeling difficult again. Not because my partner isn’t safe, but because I was overriding self-trust in the name of progress.

We talk about:

1. Why intimacy can still feel triggering in a healthy relationship
2. How to recognize the difference between growth and overwhelm
3. The role of self-trust in healing sexual trauma
4. What it looks like to stop overriding yourself in the name of progress

If you’re doing the work but still feel stuck when it comes to intimacy, this episode will help you understand why and what needs to shift.

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If this is the kind of work you’re wanting support with, my upcoming couples retreat is designed for exactly this: learning how to create safety, connection, and intimacy without abandoning yourself.

You can find more details HERE

If you’ve ever thought, “Why does everything my partner says trigger me?” this episode will give you a completely different lens on what’s actually happening.

In marriage, most conflict isn’t really about the surface issue. It’s about how each person is relating to themselves.

When your sense of self is tied to how your partner responds to you, reactivity takes over. You either push harder—trying to be heard, understood, or validated—or you collapse into people-pleasing to keep the peace. And both keep you stuck in the same cycle.

In this episode, I’m breaking down:

1. Why you’re more reactive with your partner than anyone else
2. The two core reactive patterns (and how they show up)
3. What “counterwill” is and why pushing creates resistance
4. Why trying to change your partner actually reduces your influence
5. How to step out of the reactivity loop and into real choice

This is the shift that changes everything: moving from reacting to your partner… to choosing who you want to be in the relationship.

Because the strength of your marriage isn’t built on controlling each other—it’s built on each person having a solid sense of self.

If this work resonates and you want support applying it in your relationship, our upcoming couples retreat is designed to help you do exactly that. You’ll learn how to navigate conflict without creating more distance—and how to repair in a way that builds connection.

Learn more about the retreat HERE.

There’s also a partial scholarship available. Apply HERE.

Many of us grow up believing love is something we earn.

If we behave the right way, meet expectations, and avoid disappointing people, we receive love. When we fall short, that love disappears.

But that belief quietly creates resentment in relationships.

In this episode, I talk about the shift that changed how I show up in my marriage. For years I tried to make people feel loved—by sacrificing, giving more, and doing everything right. But when appreciation didn’t come back the way I hoped, frustration built underneath the surface.

We’re talking about:

• Why love often becomes transactional without us realizing it

• How conditional love creates resentment in marriage

• The difference between loving someone and trying to control them

• The relationship skill most couples never learn: tolerating disappointment

Marriage guarantees disappointment. The real skill is learning how to handle it without withdrawing love or punishing each other.

Couples Retreat

Brent and I are hosting a couples retreat at the end of April for couples who want to break old relationship patterns and build something healthier together.

Find more details HERE.

We also offer one partial scholarship for couples who need financial support.

You can APPLY HERE.