There is often an assumption running quietly through much of how Nonviolent Communication is practiced, including how Rachelle practiced it when she first encountered the work 27 years ago. It is the unspoken assumption that our needs are above questioning.

In 27 years of working with NVC, in her own life and with others, she has found it useful to challenge that assumption. Human beings, after all, are not simple creatures. We contain competing impulses, layered histories, and contradictory desires. We can name a need from the very part of us most committed to preventing its fulfillment. We can want change desperately while remaining, at a deeper level, committed to the status quo.

In this episode, Rachelle explores the part of us that would prefer things to stay as they are and distorts our needs. She invites us to seriously consider that needs are not the Holy Grail but rather a starting point. The real work begins when we're willing to look honestly at what's underneath them.

Referenced in this episode:

• John Gottman — perpetual problems in relationships (approximately 69%)

• James Hillman — Jungian depth psychology

• Marion Woodman — Jungian psychotherapy

• Clarissa Pinkola Estés — Women Who Run with the Wolves

• Rainer Maria Rilke — Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final

• Walt Whitman — Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.

Find Rachelle: rachellelamb.com