“I didn't get a handbook when I transitioned like in the film Beetlejuice when they got ‘The Handbook for the Recently Deceased’. I didn't get ‘The Handbook for the Recently Transitioned’. I haven't got an instruction manual on how to be trans. I make mistakes but I'm allowed to do that because I'm learning.”

It's Trans Day of Visibility and I have the perfect guest to mark it.

She’s known for keeping it real, winged eye-liner look & cracking humour… and so much more! Adelle Barker (she/her) is an award-winning inspirational role model and nominated change maker. In her day-to-day professional role, Adele is a Team Leader at Sky and part of the LGBTQ+ Network. But her real CV lives in the messy, human spaces.

Growing up in Essex, Little Adelle was confused and dreamt of a world away from the one she lived in which she describes as a ‘boring, normal upbringing’. She was creative and studied film & media - and her creativity shines through today through her #IDontKnowHowToBeTrans series is ‘equal parts humour, heartbreak and humility. It tackles voice worries, dysphoria, over thinking, parenting, fear, joy and everything in between. It’s chaotic. It’s honest. It’s the stuff people whisper about but she says out loud.’ If you don’t already subscribe, you should do so via Substack.

Like many trans+ & queer folk who lacked representation, Adelle found herself in chat rooms with alter-ego accounts. As a teen, she started to grasp her feminine energy but coming out happened a lot later - as a whirlwind experience which we reflect on.

We talk about Adelle’s career from working on a meat counter & in retail through to her experiences as a Sky engineer & team leader having embraced her skills in management.

Parenting is a big topic too - we hear about Adelle’s big queer family setup, navigating raising kids as a trans parent and them being completely unbothered about her accolades! We also tackle the backwards notion of ‘protect the kids’ when it comes to trans identities.

Adelle gets serious when it comes to urging people to allow others to make mistakes, vulnerability & the importance of storytelling but there’s so many laughs in this episode too. We diss ‘live, laugh, love’, joke about Adelle’s love of nachos with chicken tikka on and there’s also a fair bit of chat about growing books.

As Adelle states, authenticity really is her superpower. Have a listen, it’s a goodun!

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation covers sensitive topics including mental health, coming out, the current landscape for Trans+ folk & more. Take care of yourself whilst listening

“We don't see a lot of examples of trans people thriving. We see a lot of experiences of trans people having hardship, constantly having to explain themselves and having to justify their existence. We’re not seeing enough examples of trans people just growing up and being a bit boring… having a dog, a life and hobbies.”

Encouraging people to look beyond the headlines when it comes to Trans+ folk is something I’m passionate about so it was a real privilege to chat to Octavian Starr (he/him) during this week’s episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’. Octavian is a highly experienced leader in diversity and inclusion, the Founder and Director of Unboxd, and has led numerous trans-centred, LGBTQ+ and intersectional initiatives in EDI training and consultancy.

Octavian’s background includes positions in community arts, social justice, and advocacy for the LGBTIQ+ community. His work with trans youth, shaped by his own experiences, has recently seen him take on ‘Trans Secret Santa’ -a community-led project sponsored by the Trans+ Solidarity Alliance - which is super wholesome and brings joy to young trans people under 25 with messages of community support and gifts for the holiday season.

Little Octavian grew up in Colorado in a military family and he had a very vivid imagination and exhibited autistic behaviours. He has a positive experience of being himself - he played saxophone, competed in marching band competitions & loved getting lost in music. Octavian struggled to make friends and reflecting on this, he felt other kids spoke ‘a hidden language I couldn’t speak’.

His family have always been largely supportive. He recounts both of his coming out stories - firstly as a lesbian, later as trans - and despite a few bumps along the way, his mother & grandparents accepted him. “Are you happy? Are you healthy?”, his grandad would ask and as long as the answer was yes, that was fine by him.

Octavian’s activism started very young with his mom driving him to LGBTQ+ youth groups. Career wise, he wanted to be ‘all the things’ (which I relate to) including a primate psychologist having been inspired by Jane Goodall. With a burning desire to help people, he’s held many roles and his journey into inclusion was a slow burner as a result of his degree placements.

Octavian talks a lot about navigating boundaries in relationships as well as loss & accountability, his recent move to the coast which feels like living in a postcard, his chihuahua Reggie and why we should embrace the intense need for change. This really is a great listen!

Stay up to date with Trans Secret Santa and Trans Solidarity Alliance right here.

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation covers sensitive topics including mental health, suicide & loss, coming out & the current landscape for Trans+ people. Take care of yourself whilst listening.

“I'm trying to be one of the voices to keep Northern Ireland on the map and having that voice from a rural background is important because it gives people coming from that opportunity to realise that they can be themselves regardless if they're gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans or whatever they identify as.”

Being the visible representation that many queer folk need, especially those in rural communities, is exactly why Lauren Dempsey (she/her), this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ has just been shortlist for this year’s British LGBTQ+ Award. I met Lauren last year at the Trans in the City Awards where I saw her recognised for her activism work in Northern Ireland so it’s wonderful to see the continual celebration of how she is showing up for her community.

Lauren also works in the corporate sector and we explore the balancing of both worlds including the importance of bringing in your authenticity & personality into the workplace. She shares a fantastic anecdote about a colleague’s reaction to her pole dancing hobby - something she’s super passionate about! It’s another area of her life in which, today, she’s proud & visible as a trans woman.

Born with a cleft palette, people assumed that Little Lauren would encounter a lot of challenges. “This child will be successful,”a doctor said to Lauren’s mother in the hospital. And whilst Lauren shares how acceptance around her transness is an ongoing issue within her family, Lauren lovingly talks about how her mum is a source of constant support. Family dynamics, boundaries & generation trauma are all topics we bounce between during our chat as well as her difficult coming out story - which was influenced by both going through therapy & the pandemic which gave her ‘a chance to breathe’. And resulted in her striking blue hair!

Lauren shares her pride in getting her degree against the odds and states “I’m the version of my own success.” She loves seeing others thrive and emphasises the need for good support networks around you. The conversation also goes into Lauren’s travel adventures, the legacy of Nadia Almada from Big Brother & Lauren’s love of the American Pie movie.

Let's wish Lauren ALL THE LUCK for the British LGBTQ+ Awards. What a guest to mark St. Patrick’s Day - ENJOY!

PLEASE NOTE | This conversation covers sensitive topics including mental health, suicide, coming out & more. Take care of yourself whilst listening.