Episode Notes

This episode is part two of a special bonus series I’m sharing from another podcast that I think many of you will deeply connect with.

The show is called Shit That Goes On in Our Heads, hosted by G-Rex and Dirty Skittles. It’s raw, honest, and unfiltered—centered around real conversations on mental health, trauma, healing, and what it actually looks like to do this work in real life. There’s no pretending, no polishing things up… just truth, humor, and powerful insights that meet you exactly where you are.

This short series I’m sharing is an extra set of episodes outside of my normal content because the conversation is just that important. In this part two episode, we go deeper into what healthy boundaries actually look like after trauma—and why so many of us lost our sense of self in the first place, especially within covert narcissistic dynamics.

If you missed part one, I highly recommend going back and listening to that first. It sets the foundation for everything we’re talking about here.

And as you listen, notice what resonates. This conversation isn’t just about understanding—it’s about beginning to reconnect with yourself in a way you may not have been taught before.

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why didn’t I see it sooner?” after being in a covert narcissistic relationship, you are not alone. The truth is, you didn’t miss the signs—your body was recognizing them long before your mind could make sense of what was happening.

In this episode, we break down the confusing experience of cognitive dissonance in covert narcissistic abuse—why your body felt anxious, tense, or unsafe while your mind continued to justify, minimize, or explain away the behavior. You’ll learn how your nervous system detects emotional threat outside of your conscious awareness, and why this disconnect between what you feel and what you believe can keep you stuck far longer than you expected.

We also explore how conditioning, people-pleasing patterns, and the desire to maintain connection can lead you to override your intuition—and why that is not a failure, but a survival response.

If you’ve struggled with shame, self-doubt, or confusion after leaving a covert narcissist, this episode will help you understand what was really happening beneath the surface—and how to begin rebuilding trust with yourself moving forward.

If you’re ready to take the next step beyond understanding and start applying this work in your own life, I invite you to explore coaching program and resources at https://www.covertnarcissism.com.

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, we explore a subtle but deeply damaging communication pattern often seen in covert narcissism—when connection turns into correction. What starts as a normal, everyday conversation can quickly shift into scrutiny, where your words are picked apart, your intent is questioned, and the heart of what you’re trying to say gets lost.

This pattern, often experienced as constantly being corrected, can leave you feeling unheard, emotionally drained, and unsure of yourself. Over time, it erodes your confidence and makes even simple interactions feel like something you have to “get right.”

We’ll walk through real-life examples of guard dogging in conversations, how this shows up in daily life—not just in serious discussions—and why it’s so damaging, especially in parenting. You’ll also begin to understand how this dynamic trains you to second-guess yourself and disconnect from your own voice.

If you’ve ever felt like every conversation turns into a debate, or that you’re constantly being analyzed instead of understood, this episode will help you make sense of what you’ve been experiencing.

Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources.

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you struggle with codependency, covert narcissism, or feeling stuck in one-sided relationships, this episode will help you understand why.

If you’ve ever felt like your value came from taking care of everyone else—even when it was costing you your peace, your energy, and your sense of self—this conversation is going to feel very familiar.

In this special bonus episode, I’m sharing a powerful conversation from the podcast Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads with hosts G-Rex and Dirty Skittles. Together, we explore codependency trauma, boundary-setting, and how covert narcissistic relationship patterns keep you stuck in cycles of over-giving and self-abandonment.

If you’ve been:

• Recognizing the signs of covert narcissistic abuse but still feel stuck
• Struggling to set boundaries without guilt or fear
• Giving more and more while feeling less seen and valued

This episode will help you connect the dots between codependency, trauma, and covert narcissism—and why understanding alone isn’t enough to create change.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How trauma creates codependent patterns
• Why boundaries feel so difficult in covert narcissistic relationships
• The emotional toll of over-functioning and people-pleasing
• What it looks like to begin choosing yourself

If you’ve been listening, learning, and recognizing the patterns but still feel stuck, this may be the moment you realize—you’re not meant to do this part alone.

Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources.

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if leaving the relationship doesn’t mean you’re free? In this episode, we continue The Vampire Effect series and explore what happens after prolonged exposure to covert narcissistic abuse—when you feel numb, disconnected, and like something inside of you has changed. Many survivors describe feeling “dead inside,” questioning who they are, and wondering if they’ve lost themselves completely.

Using the powerful metaphor of Dracula, we break down the concept of becoming “undead”—not fully yourself, but not gone either—and why this emotional numbness is not a sign that something is wrong with you, but a sign that your mind and body have been trying to protect you. We also dive into the unsettling reality of how the narcissist’s voice can continue to live inside your thoughts, shaping your perceptions long after the relationship shifts or even ends.

If you’ve ever questioned your reactions, felt disconnected from yourself, or wondered why you can’t just “move on,” this episode will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface—and why healing is not about fixing yourself, but about reclaiming what was never truly lost.

Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources.

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if covert narcissistic abuse doesn’t feel like an attack… but like a slow drain?

In this episode, we explore The Vampire Effect—a powerful metaphor that reveals how covert narcissists gradually consume your energy, clarity, and sense of self without you even realizing it. Through the lens of Dracula, you’ll begin to see how manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional exhaustion create a dynamic where you become weaker while they appear stronger.

We’ll break down the subtle ways this happens, why you may have felt confused or “sick” instead of recognizing the abuse, and how these relationships can feel like a labyrinth you were never meant to escape.

If you’ve ever wondered why you felt drained, lost, or unable to leave… this episode will help you understand why—and begin to take your power back. Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources.

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why do you still miss someone who hurt you? If you’ve experienced covert narcissistic abuse, this question can feel confusing, frustrating, and even shameful. You can see the manipulation, the gaslighting, and the emotional abuse clearly—so why does part of you still feel pulled back?

In this episode, we explore why healing from covert narcissistic abuse feels so confusing and what’s actually happening inside of you. Using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework, you’ll learn how different “parts” of you—like the ones that miss them, doubt yourself, or crave relief—are not a sign that something is wrong, but a form of internal communication.

I’ll walk you step-by-step through the 6 F’s of IFS (Find, Focus, Flesh, Feel, Befriend, Fear) so you can begin to understand your internal world with more clarity, compassion, and confidence.

If you’ve ever thought:

• “Why do I still miss them?”
• “Why do I feel pulled back even though I know the truth?”
• “Why is healing from narcissistic abuse so confusing?”

This episode will help you make sense of the war inside you—and begin to find peace. Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for more resources.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you’re trying to heal from covert narcissistic abuse but feel unsure about your next step, this episode will meet you where you are. In part 2 of this CNG Community Chat, we explore what it looks like to move forward without rushing a life-changing decision.

This conversation dives into the deeper layers of recovery, including guilt, responsibility, and the impact on children. We also talk about the reality of co-parenting or parallel parenting with a covert narcissist, and why healing often begins long before someone leaves the relationship.

You’ll hear honest reflections on learning to trust yourself again, letting go of pressure from others, and taking one step at a time toward clarity and peace.

If you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure whether to stay or leave, this episode will remind you that you are allowed to move at your own pace—and that pausing can be a powerful part of healing. Visit www.covertnarcissism.com for additional resources.

DISCLAIMER: THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.