Text us your feedback or questions - we'd love to hear from you.

Think your divorce is done once you sign the paperwork?

Nope.

Today I’ve got Sapere Pro estate planning attorney (and my hubby) Greg Bennett back with me, and we’re talking about something most people don’t even realize they need to deal with after divorce.

If you had a family trust during your marriage, there’s a really good chance it no longer says what you think it says once you’re divorced. And if you don’t fix it, you can end up with confusion, conflict, and in some cases… the wrong person inheriting your assets. Nobody wants that.

And one more thing people don’t realize… having just a will is usually not enough. We talk about why a will alone can still send your family through probate, and what that really means for time, cost, and stress.

In this episode, we break it down in plain English so you actually understand what’s going on and what to do next, and so you don’t find yourself in a big mess over in probate court.

Here’s what we get into:

• What actually happens to your trust after divorce and why it doesn’t just “fix itself”
• Why what your trust says and what your divorce says might not match anymore
• The difference between community property and separate property in real life, not legal jargon
• What changes automatically after divorce and what you still have to take care of yourself
• Why having just a will might not protect your family the way you think it does
• The kinds of mistakes people make that end up costing their families time, money, and stress later
• How mediation helps you think through all of this ahead of time instead of cleaning it up after

Bottom line, your divorce might be final… but your planning isn’t.

And this is one of those things that’s easy to put off, but can create a really big mess for your family if you do. A few simple updates now can make everything a whole lot easier later.

--

RESOURCES

MEDIATION STARTER GUIDE: https://mailchi.mp/2939c428981d/mediation-resources
KELLY'S BOOK: Victim Is Not Your Name https://a.co/d/e4VguRk
LEGAL & MEDIATION HELP: https://saperelawfirm.com
INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/saperelawfirm
FACEBOOK: https://facebook.com/saperelawfirm

Text us your feedback or questions - we'd love to hear from you.

Hey friends. Today we’re talking about something that’s happening more and more, and honestly, it surprises a lot of people when they see it.

Gray divorce.

Yup, that’s the term for divorce after 50, and the numbers have actually doubled since 1990. And in our law practice, Sapere Law & Mediation in Temecula, California, we’ve even seen what I call “extra gray divorce”… couples in their seventies and eighties deciding it’s time to move on.

Divorce later in life looks very different from divorce in your 30s or 40s. By this stage, you’ve usually built a life together over decades. There may be retirement accounts, pensions, adult children, grandchildren, and a lot of shared history. And that’s… extra tough.

So the question becomes: how do you untangle all of that without blowing up your financial future or your family relationships?

Here’s what we’re digging into today:

• What “gray divorce” actually means and why it’s becoming more common
• Why long-term marriages create different financial challenges
• Retirement accounts, pensions, and how they get divided in divorce
• Why spousal support is often part of divorce after a long marriage
• The emotional reality of ending a relationship after decades together
• How adult children and grandchildren are affected (and they are!)
• Why mediation is often a smarter path than courtroom divorce

Divorce after 50 is not just about splitting assets. It’s about protecting your financial future, your emotional wellbeing, and your family relationships. And how divorce mediation can help you protect your retirement, reduce stress, and keep family relationships intact.

Have a listen, or share this episode with a loved one who may be facing their own “gray divorce.”

RESOURCES

MEDIATION STARTER GUIDE: https://mailchi.mp/2939c428981d/mediation-resources
KELLY'S BOOK: Victim Is Not Your Name https://a.co/d/e4VguRk
LEGAL & MEDIATION HELP: https://saperelawfirm.com
INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/saperelawfirm
FACEBOOK: https://facebook.com/saperelawfirm

Text us your feedback or questions - we'd love to hear from you.

Okay, you spotted the victim habit. Now what?

If you listened to episode 66 and thought, "that is me,” this is your next step.

If you have been in divorce stress, family conflict, or a rough life season, it is so easy to slip into patterns that keep you stuck, right? Not because you’re weak. Because your brain is trying to protect you. But protection and progress are not the same thing.

In this episode, I walk you through the ways you can disrupt the victim habits that are holding you back. These shifts in your thinking help you get your footing back (yes!), change the pattern, and start moving forward again…. without having to overhaul your whole life overnight.

Want to get out of your own way? We talk about:

• How to spot the moment you are sliding into an old pattern
• The small changes that create momentum… fast
• Why your environment and your inner circle matter more than people realize
• What to do when you know better but still keep doing the same thing
• A mindset shift that helps you stop beating yourself up and start taking action

RESOURCES

MEDIATION STARTER GUIDE: https://mailchi.mp/2939c428981d/mediation-resources
KELLY'S BOOK: Victim Is Not Your Name https://a.co/d/e4VguRk
AMEN CLINICS: (Dr. Daniel Amen): https://www.amenclinics.com
BOOK MENTIONED: Resilient, Rick Hanson PhD https://a.co/d/05blH36P
LEGAL & MEDIATION HELP: https://saperelawfirm.com
INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/saperelawfirm
FACEBOOK: https://facebook.com/saperelawfirm

Text us your feedback or questions - we'd love to hear from you.

Ever feel stuck in the same loop, even when you know you want things to change? I get it!

Today we’re talking about something I see all the time in divorce, conflict, and life transitions. I call them the six victim habits. They’re not about calling yourself a victim.

They’re about spotting the patterns that quietly keep you stuck, keeping you from moving forward.

In this episode, I’ll walk you through the six habits and help you figure out if one of them is showing up in your life right now. Once you spot it, you can fix it.

We’ll chat about:

• The thrill of attention and when support turns into a trap
• Self-imposed helplessness and why “I can’t” can become a default
• Playing small and not growing because it feels uncomfortable
• The “get them before they get you” mindset
• The “can’t say no” habit and how over-giving really leads to burnout
• And some real life examples

Next episode, I’ll show you what to do with this once you spot your habit, because awareness is totally step one, and change is the goal.

Resources:

MEDIATION STARTER GUIDE: https://mailchi.mp/2939c428981d/mediation-resources

KELLY'S BOOK: Victim Is Not Your Name – https://a.co/d/e4VguRk

LEGAL: Legal & Mediation Help: https://saperelawfirm.com

INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/saperelawfirm

FACEBOOK: https://facebook.com/saperelawfirm

Text us your feedback or questions - we'd love to hear from you.

You really can get through your divorce without it turning into an all-out war.

I’m breaking down how to keep your peace and your power. Because being the “peacemaker” doesn’t mean being a pushover. It means you’re smart, strategic, and keeping your eyes on the long game instead of getting lost in the drama.

We’ll talk about what a real peacemaker looks like (hint: calm and confident, not quiet and compliant), and how to protect what matters most to you without letting emotions run the show.

Here’s what we’re diving into:

• The real difference between being peaceful and being passive
• How to get in the right headspace before a big talk or mediation
• Why your emotional "state" affects how well you negotiate
• What to say when your ex pushes back without making things worse
• Red flags that you're giving too much away (and how to stop before you do)
• The one thing that can save you time, money, and a lot of stress

If you’ve been trying to “keep the peace” but end up feeling walked on, this one’s for you. I’ll show you how to stay grounded, protect your interests, and actually get to the finish line faster, with a lot less stress and way fewer lawyer bills.

MEDIATION STARTER GUIDE: https://mailchi.mp/2939c428981d/mediation-resources

KELLY'S BOOK: Victim Is Not Your Name – https://a.co/d/e4VguRk

LEGAL: Legal & Mediation Help: https://saperelawfirm.com

INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/saperelawfirm

FACEBOOK: https://facebook.com/saperelawfirm

Text us your feedback or questions - we'd love to hear from you.

It sounds simple: just add your kid to the house title and skip the legal stuff. But what feels like a shortcut can turn into a mess… and sometimes, a full-blown legal disaster.

In this episode, I’m joined by Sapere Pro and estate planning attorney Greg Bennett to talk about why putting family on your title is almost never a good idea. We’ve seen this move backfire in ways that cause family conflict, tax surprises, and court cases that could have been prevented.

If you’ve ever thought, “I’ll just put my kid on the deed so it’s easier when I die,” this is your heads-up: it’s probably not as easy or as safe as it sounds.

Greg and I often see people trying to do the right thing with their home, only to create problems they didn’t expect.

We talk about what really happens when you add someone to your title, and how it can lead to legal issues, financial risk, and family tension that’s hard to unwind once it starts.

Here’s what we cover:

• Why “just put them on” feels simple but can backfire fast
• The real risks of giving up legal control of your home
• How families end up in court over decisions made with good intentions
• A cleaner, safer way to protect your property and the people you love

This one’s for anyone thinking about estate planning, helping aging parents, or navigating property during divorce. You have options. Just make sure they’re the right ones.

RESOURCES:

Download: Mediation Starter Guide: How to Talk to Your Ex About Mediation
https://mailchi.mp/2939c428981d/mediation-resources

Kelly's Book: Victim Is Not Your Name

Legal & Mediation Help: Sapere Law Firm

Instagram: Sapere Law Firm

Facebook: Sapere Law Firm

Text us your feedback or questions - we'd love to hear from you.

You can’t control how they’ll react, but you can control how you show up.

This episode is about getting grounded, staying calm, and making those hard conversations a little less painful... and a lot more productive.

When conflict flares up, the way you communicate can either move things forward or make them worse. I’m sharing the same tools I teach my clients—and use myself—to help navigate emotional conversations with more clarity and less chaos. Whether it’s your ex, your co-parent, or your boss, there is a better way.

You’ll hear a clip from my video guide, How to Talk to Your Ex About Mediation. And while this isn’t about mediation specifically, the same steps and language apply to any tough conversation, especially when emotions are high and the outcome really matters.

We’re digging into:

• Why your emotional state before the conversation matters most
• How to set a non-confrontational tone without triggering the other person
• The power of neutral language, and why accusations backfire
• What not to say if you want to avoid defensiveness and dead ends
• Why pressure and ultimatums never get you what you want
• How to use scripts to prepare for difficult talks without sounding robotic
• The surprising upside of conflict (yes, there is one)

If you’ve got a hard conversation coming up—or one you’ve been avoiding—this episode will help you get grounded, clear, and confident before you speak.

RESOURCES

Download Mediation Guide & Video: How to Talk to Your Ex About Mediation
Kelly’s Book: Victim Is Not Your Name – https://a.co/d/e4VguRk
Legal & Mediation Help: Sapere Law & Mediation - https://saperelawfirm.com
Instagram: @saperelawfirm
Facebook: @saperelawfirm

Text us your feedback or questions - we'd love to hear from you.

What if the best way to win custody… is to wait?

This episode flips the script on what most veteran parents expect—and reveals what family court actually wants to see when it comes to veteran divorce and custody.

In Part 2 of my conversation with Hon. Mark Johnson (Ret.), we move from trauma to the tricky terrain of divorce and parenting after PTSD. If Part 1 was about what went wrong, this one’s about how to start making it right.

Whether you're a veteran struggling with post-combat stress and facing divorce, or the co-parent trying to hold it all together, this episode is full of clarity, compassion, and a clear plan forward.

In this episode:

· What family court really wants to see before granting custody

· How to set up parenting plans that account for trauma history

· The custody checklist every military family should read

· When it’s time to lower your timeshare—and why that’s not losing

· Why treatment first = better outcomes for everyone

· A mock court speech that every lawyer should borrow

About Mark Johnson: Hon. Mark Johnson (Ret.) served as a Superior Court Judge and Colonel in the U.S. Army. He’s a decorated Iraq War veteran, former Veteran’s Court judge, and the author of Scars and Strife, a novel inspired by real stories of combat trauma and recovery.

RESOURCES:

Mark Johnson's book: Scars and Strife – https://a.co/d/38sod6z
Download Custody Checklist: https://mailchi.mp/2939c428981d/mediation-resources
Kelly’s Book: Victim Is Not Your Name – https://a.co/d/e4VguRk
Legal & Mediation Help: https://saperelawfirm.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/saperelawfirm
Facebook: https://facebook.com/saperelawfirm