This is Healing — Sex MDMA and Sovereignty

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This is Healing — Sex MDMA and Sovereignty

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今ならプレミアムプランが3カ月月額99円

2026年5月12日まで。4か月目以降は月額1,500円で自動更新します。

概要

This episode might sound like it’s about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. In some ways, it is. But not in the way people expect.

This is a ten-day window into what grief actually looks like inside a body. The watching. The wanting. The ego. The collapse. The seventy dollars of DoorDash. The prison sentence feeling. The nervous system spiral. The choice to interrupt it.

I talk about being watched by men again and what that wakes up in me. I talk about widow sexuality without sanitizing it. I talk about oxytocin and PTSD and the reality that sometimes being touched is not indulgence — it’s regulation.

walk you through the day I chose MDMA — not as escapism, not as performance, but as medicine. I talk about why Patrick and I used it in our marriage, how secure attachment is built and not won, and what happened in the shower when the grief reorganized instead of disappeared.

I talk about the queen image that has followed me since my twenties. I talk about sovereignty. I talk about the moment the sentence shifted from “this is a prison” to “this is a conduit.”

I talk about Shabbat at another widow’s table. About Jewish grief rituals and how communal mourning holds people differently than American resilience culture.

And I talk about this:

I am not done loving.There will be another king.
There will be another love.
And that does not erase the first.This is not a neat lesson episode.

This is process.
This is oscillation.
This is what it looks like to stay.

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