Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- I’m single, in a healthy community, and feel ready for a relationship, but I tend to quickly imagine men as “the one” before truly knowing them. I find myself dreaming about a future instead of seeing who they really are. Why is this so hard to stop, and how can I approach men with more clarity and grounded perspective?

- I often confuse emotional intensity with true intimacy. How can I tell the difference between chemistry, attachment, and genuine relational safety?

- I’ve noticed that porn use is often talked about as a “man’s issue,” but I know women also struggle with it. I’m curious why this perception exists and what might be missing in how we talk about it. Why do you think porn addiction is so often framed as a male problem, even though it clearly affects women too?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’ve found myself using sexual fantasy or porn-like material to cope with stress or loneliness. I’ve heard that these behaviors can be a sign of unmet needs rather than simply a sin issue. How do I figure out what need I’m trying to meet and what could a healthy coping strategy look like?
• I keep having recurring fantasies, not always sexual, but often about self-attention that feel uncontrollable and unhealthy. Group work has helped me become more aware, but I want to understand the deeper roots of this pattern. Is there a way to fully overcome these intrusive fantasies and break free from this cycle for good?
• My sexual struggles make me feel “less holy” or unfit for intimacy, love, or even God’s grace. This internal conflict has created tension between my desire for healing and my fear of judgment from others. How can I integrate spiritual healing with sexual healing?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Cleaning Up The Mental Mess

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After 22 years of marriage marked by pornography addiction, emotional abuse, fear, and deep violations of trust, I’m emotionally done and longing to begin my own healing. My husband’s serious health issues now complicate my decision and leave me burdened with guilt. How do I navigate leaving a harmful marriage with compassion, but without sacrificing my safety, truth, or healing?
• My husband, who is in recovery, has expressed a desire for me to feel visual attraction and curiosity about his body; something I’ve never naturally experienced. I want to meet his needs and love him well, but I’m unsure how to cultivate these feelings. How can I honor his desires while staying true to my own capacity for attraction?
• My husband refuses to get help for his long-term pornography and acting-out behaviors, dismissing the impact on our emotional and spiritual intimacy. Instead, he shifts blame to me for intimacy struggles, while I struggle to connect sexually without true emotional closeness. How do I navigate a marriage where my husband denies the problem yet expects connection on his terms?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After years of recovery work and shared ministry, I’m facing renewed betrayal as my husband returns to secretive, addictive behaviors, becomes defensive and angry, and dismisses my need for safety. I feel destabilized, fearful there may be more hidden, and unsure how to respond. Are these serious red flags? How do I move forward when my spouse seems to abandon recovery and the marriage itself?
• We’ve been separated for nearly a year, with my husband in recovery programs, yet repeated relapses keep extending our separation. On the surface, he appears committed, but I question his willingness to truly give up his addiction. How long is reasonable to wait for real change, and what can I do to protect my well-being while I wait?
• When someone says they’ve been using porn for 28 years off and on, with sometimes months maybe even years in between, would it then be a choice or compulsion that they keep returning to it?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org

All Our Tools

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

Listener feedback: I have gone through Unraveled and am currently starting a Betrayal & Beyond group at my church. Going through Unraveled was so amazing to help me process things and have a safe group of women that I could be honest with. Thanks so much for these tools you created.

• I still have thoughts about men that I was sexually intimate with before I got married. My husband and I are very honest about where we are and how we are doing in our healing journeys'. But I still find myself thinking about my ex's ... Is this a brain thing or spiritual tie that will always be there because of sex? What can I do to change this or work on it?
• Years after betrayal, I’m struggling with loneliness and sexual fantasy as a way to cope in a marriage that feels emotionally empty. Though I’ve stopped the behavior, I’m torn between protecting myself from further harm and pressure to reconcile for stability. How do you let go of coping fantasies, and how do you discern a healthy path forward when my marriage feels stuck between surviving and healing?
• I continue to relapse into old coping habits, like compulsive masturbation, fantasy, and unsafe sexual thoughts, despite counseling or accountability. How do I identify what triggers me and understand my old patterns, so I can take proactive steps to redirect these behaviors?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Unraveled

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I recently found out that my husband has been hiding a 7 year porn addiction which is most of our marriage. I am 5 months pregnant and we had planned for him to take 12 weeks paternity leave. Now I am really concerned that it may not be a good idea, as he is likely to fall into his old habits with so much time at home. What are your thoughts?
• After nearly three decades of marriage shaped by pornography addiction, sexual harm, and repeated betrayals, I feel detached, distrustful, and worn down despite recent recovery efforts. I’ve found healing for myself but little hope for restored intimacy or trust in the marriage. How do I discern whether continuing this marriage leads to life, or whether letting go is the bravest next step?
• Since discovering my husband’s long-term affair after 23 years of marriage, I’m struggling with deep insecurity despite ongoing recovery work. He showed a level of pursuit and intentionality with his affair partner that I never experienced, leaving me feeling like a second choice. How do you heal and move forward when faithfulness exists, but the wound of comparison and being “chosen last” still lingers?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• Despite years of counseling and recovery efforts following discovery, I’m exhausted by repeated delays in my husband’s full disclosure. I’ve set a February deadline to protect my well-being but feel uncertain about boundaries, patience, and enabling patterns. How long is it healthy to wait, and am I asking too much?
• After 30 years of marriage to a pornography addict and many unsuccessful recovery attempts, I feel stuck needing support I can’t currently access due to finances and work constraints. I want to prepare for possible disclosure but feel alone in this process. What practical options exist when counseling and groups aren’t realistically available right now?
• Throughout repeated cycles of recovery, relapse, separation, and now a 90-day treatment program, I feel torn between hope for our family and fear of returning to an unsafe dynamic. My husband is optimistic, but I remain uncertain and guarded. How do I move forward with clarity and strength, honoring the desire for restoration while holding firm, non-negotiable boundaries for safety and trust?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

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In this insightful conversation, we sit down with a clinician and ministry leader, Dr. Craig Cashwell, who is passionate about integrating psychological wisdom with spiritual formation.

We explore how faith and clinical care work together in the healing process and unpack the powerful statement, “Nothing that is psychologically damaging is theologically sound.” You’ll gain a clearer understanding of trauma, how it’s stored in the body, and practical ways to move toward regulation and restoration.

We also discuss the “window of tolerance,” the realities of hyper- and hypo-arousal, and the often overlooked impact of benign neglect. This episode offers both practical tools and deep encouragement for anyone pursuing holistic healing.

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

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