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In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith talk about something every marriage needs but few practice consistently: being your spouse's biggest cheerleader. Not a critic. Not a fair-weather fan. A genuine, loud-and-proud supporter.

📖 Scripture Focus – Proverbs 8:30-31

Don points out that this scripture reminds him of a cheerleader—someone who is constantly present, full of delight, and rejoicing in the presence of others. That's the picture of what we should be for our spouses.

🏈 The Cheerleader Analogy

In sports, the cheerleading squad wears the same colors as the team. They're united. They celebrate every touchdown, every turnover, every good play—and even when the team is down, they cheer harder to rally them.

But in marriage, we often do the opposite. We criticize. We complain about the little things. We even join in when others are critical of their spouses. As Lisa puts it: "Negativity is contagious, just like laughter and joy."

🧠 Why We Miss the Successes

Lisa admits she tends to be more critical. She's a "glass half full" person who has to work harder to notice the good. And here's the problem: we're often looking for the earthquake—the big, Hollywood moment—and we miss the little things that really matter.

• Picking up shoes
• Watering the plants
• Making it through a tough workday
• Just showing up

Every accomplishment is an achievement. And every achievement should be celebrated.

⚠️ The Danger of Not Celebrating

Don makes a bold statement: "We gravitate toward the areas we are celebrated, and we withdraw from the places we are not celebrated."

This is why people become workaholics—because that's the only place they feel valued. This is why spouses emotionally disengage—because home feels like a place of constant criticism instead of celebration.

Lisa adds: "When we're just tolerated, that's not fulfilling."

💡 This Week's Challenge

Don promises: "I guarantee you the environment is going to change." It might not be a lightning bolt, but a little spark can cause a fire.

Lisa adds: "Write it down. Write down how you felt and how they responded. Over time, you'll see the progress."

📣 Practice Makes Perfect
Don reminds us that cheerleaders practice every day—they only perform once a week. In the same way, we need to practice celebrating our spouses daily. When we do, our spouses will lean into us for encouragement instead of looking for it elsewhere.

💬 The Bottom Line
Marriage isn't as complicated as we think. As Lisa puts it: "You just have to be intentional." Be the one who cheers louder than anyone else. Be the one who delights in your spouse. Be the one who makes them feel like they're winning.

🎧 Tune In

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms. Don't forget to like, share, subscribe, and leave a rating! (And yes, there's a link in the show notes to buy them a sweet tea and a Little Debbie snack cake if you're feeling generous.)

Note: Don and Lisa will be taking a six-week break starting in a few weeks—so catch up on all the episodes while you can!

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Click here to support Wedded Wednesday

Click here to Buy us a Sweet Tea and a Little Debbie Snack Cake

For more information or booking details, visit www.donmsmith.com

In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle a quiet marriage killer: the little things that get overlooked. Not the big sins or major crises—but the small, daily moments of connection that slip away in the busyness of life.

📖 Scripture Focus – Psalm 118:24

Don points out that the psalmist isn't talking about yesterday or tomorrow—he's talking about today. The joy God has for you is available right now. But so often, married couples miss it because they're overwhelmed by responsibilities, schedules, and the weight of "other things."

⏳ The 5-7 Year Fade

Don and Lisa introduce a phrase they use often: the five to seven year fade. This is the season when the "contract" of marriage takes over:

• Paying bills
• Raising kids
• Running to sports and school
• Work and chores

Suddenly, the time you have for each other gets squeezed, squeezed, squeezed—until connection becomes an afterthought. And here's the truth: it doesn't change, no matter how long you've been married. Even at 35 years, Don and Lisa still wrestle with it.

💡 The Little Things That Build Up

We often say the little things can cause damage. But the little things can also build up if you're intentional about them:

• A pop-in lunch at work
• A quick text that says, "I'm thinking about you"
• A spontaneous "get in the truck, we're going" adventure
• Sitting on the back porch together, no phones, just talking

Lisa shares how she used to think going to Don's softball games was pointless—until she realized it meant something to him for her to be there. She wasn't "doing" anything, but her presence was a gift.

🛠️ This Week's Challenge

This simple practice helps fight the negative weight of responsibility and trains your heart to notice the good.

🗓️ Date Days Don't Have to Be Extravagant

Don and Lisa encourage couples to put "date days" in the budget as a line item. But don't get it twisted—a date day doesn't have to be expensive or complicated. It could be:

• Sitting on the porch watching the birds
• Holding hands and talking
• Watching a game together on the back patio (even if the mosquitoes come out!)

There's nothing unromantic about planning. In fact, it's more thoughtful because of the intentionbehind it.

💬 The Bottom Line
The crowd is never going away. Responsibilities are never going to stop. But don't overlook the little things that can be such a great blessing every day. As Lisa puts it: "Time is irreplaceable. We have to be intentional with our time."

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

Click here to support Wedded Wednesday

Click here to Buy us a Sweet Tea and a Little Debbie Snack Cake

For more information or booking details, visit www.donmsmith.com

In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle a subtle but dangerous marriage killer: getting lost in the crowd. Not the bad crowds—but the good ones. The things that aren't wrong, but can still push your spouse to the sidelines.

📖 Scripture Focus – Matthew 9:36

Jesus saw the crowd and had compassion. But here's the tension: the crowd is never going away.And if you're not careful, even good things—ministry, children, work, hobbies, friends—can become the "crowd" that leaves your spouse feeling invisible.

😳 The Story That Started It All

Don shares a painfully honest personal story. One Sunday morning, he was greeting people at church—doing his job, being a good pastor—and walked right past Lisa without acknowledging her. He greeted the person on her left, skipped her entirely, and greeted the person on her right.

Lisa's response? "I'm tired of getting lost in the crowd."

Don didn't do it intentionally. But intention doesn't erase impact. Lisa felt unseen, and that's what matters.

🧠 Why This Happens

It's not always about bad behavior. The crowd can be:

• Children – (Blessings from the Lord, but they can consume all your attention)
• Work – (Providing for your family, but leaving your spouse alone)
• Ministry – (Serving God, but neglecting your first ministry—your spouse)
• Hobbies & friends – (Good things, but not when they come before your marriage)

Lisa nails it: "It's easier to be kind to a stranger than it is to our own spouse." Why? Because we get so comfortable that we let our guard down—and often, our tone and manners go with it.

🛠️ How to Keep Your Spouse from Getting Lost

Acknowledge your spouse – Especially in public. Don't assume they know you see them. Showthem.

• Ask the hard question – "What is the crowd in our marriage? And how do we keep each other from getting lost in it?"
• Be sensitive to needs – When your spouse says they feel lost, don't dismiss it. Don't say, "That's not how you should feel." It doesn't matter. That's how they do feel.
• Be intentional – As Lisa says, "Being intentional is all the more important when there's a crowd."
• Watch your tone – Lisa jokes that when she's upset, she gets "really polite." Don notices immediately. Tone speaks louder than words.

💡 This Week's Challenge

Then listen. Don't defend. Just hear them.

💬 The Bottom Line

The crowd will always be there. You'll never meet every need in the crowd. But you can meet the need of your spouse. When they say they feel lost, they're not criticizing you—they're declaring a need that only you can meet.

🎧 Tune In

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms. Don't forget to like, share, subscribe, and check the show notes for ways to support the show!

Support the show