Foreplay. Everyone's heard of it. Not everyone's doing it right.

In this episode, Jay-Jay and Mel break down what foreplay actually is (spoiler: not just a quick neck kiss and a rub before getting to the main event), why rushing it is one of the biggest bedroom mistakes people make, and how slowing down can completely change your sex life.

We also get into the surprisingly non-sexual stuff that counts as foreplay, plus: why your body literally needs time to prepare for penetration (there's a physiological process called tenting and it will change how you think about this forever), the art of attunement, why the quickie you think was spontaneous... wasn't, and how to talk to a partner who treats foreplay like they're late for a flight.

In this episode:

• Why foreplay starts way before the bedroom
• The psychological side of arousal, and why safety matters more than technique
• What is tenting and why your body needs it
• Attunement: the real skill underneath all the moves
• How to talk to a partner who skips straight to the jackhammer
• Sexting as foreplay (Mel is a big fan)
• The Pleasure Practice: penetration off the table, entirely

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ever caught yourself calling your partner "babe" right before asking them to take the bins out, and that was basically the most romantic thing that happened all week? Yeah. This one's for you.

This week JJ and Mel are talking about how to bring the spice back into long-term relationships, and no, it doesn't start with a sex swing. They unpack why couples slip into "flatmate energy," the sneaky way resentment kills desire faster than tiredness ever could, and why foreplay actually starts at 11am, not 11pm. Mel breaks down brakes vs accelerators, spontaneous vs responsive desire, and why being too comfortable with your partner might be the actual problem. Plus: the spousal arousal radio story, a boat-bed confession gone wrong, and the case for bringing back a little "puppy energy" when your partner walks in the door.

If you and your partner have started to feel more like co-managers of a household than lovers, this episode is your sign to do something about it (and it's way less effort than you think).

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets.

Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide…

Pleasure Delivered.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Turns out almost everyone has a fantasy they've never told a single soul. This week Jay-Jay and sex & relationship coach Mel Vranjes get into sexual fantasies; what's actually going on underneath them, why just talking about one can be almost as hot as living it out, and how to bring it up with your partner without causing a small relationship earthquake.

Mel shares the research on the most common fantasies (group sex, power play, and being completely ravished all made the list), and we talk through how to find the feeling behind a fantasy so you're not stuck trying to recreate an exact scene from a book.

Also in this episode: Jay-Jay's worst date story ever, the golden showers chat nobody asked for, why pegging makes so many people squirm and shouldn't, and a Pleasure Practice that's basically just permission to daydream a bit more.

Topics: sexual fantasies, fantasy communication, kinks and power play, BDSM basics, intimacy and desire, couples communication, sex education, relationship advice

How to Have Sex is a shame-free sex education podcast hosted by broadcaster Jay-Jay Feeney and certified sex and relationship coach Melissa Vranjes; one nosy, curious host and one expert who actually knows what she's talking about. Every episode tackles the stuff most of us were never taught, minus the awkward classroom diagrams.

This podcast is proudly sponsored by Wild Secrets. Shop online at www.wildsecrets.co.nz & use the code HAVESEX for 20% off sitewide… Pleasure Delivered.

JOIN OUR COMMUNITY!

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR SUBSTACK https://hthspodcast.substack.com

INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/howtohavesexpodcast

FACEBOOK https://www.facebook.com/HowToHaveSexPodcast

YOUTUBE https://www.youtube.com/@Howtohavesexpodcast

EMAIL howtohavesexpodcastnz@gmail.com

Support the podcast! https://buymeacoffee.com/howtohavesex

How To Have Sex is produced by PodLab, Auckland. https://www.podlab.co.nz

HOSTS:

Jay-Jay Feeney – Media Personality

Instagram/TikTok: @JJFeeneyNZ

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JayJayFeeney

Melissa Vranjes – Certified Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach

www.melissavranjes.com

Instagram: @melissavranjes

Ready to feel more confident, connected, and turned on in your body? Join Sex School here: https://www.melissavranjes.com/sex-school

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.