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Internalized Homophobia: The Stories We Tell About Ourselves (and Each Other)

Aired April 24

What if the hardest judgment you face isn’t coming from the outside world—but from the story you’ve learned to tell about yourself?

In this episode of The Mindfully Gay Podcast, hosts John Cottrell and Jerry Buie name a pattern many gay men quietly carry: internalized homophobia—the inherited beliefs, fears, and assumptions that can shape how we see ourselves, how we relate to other gay men, and how safe we feel showing up in community.

John and Jerry explore how internalized homophobia often hides in plain sight:

• The urge to measure yourself against heteronormative “standards” of masculinity, worth, and belonging
• The way painful experiences can turn into sweeping beliefs like “gay men can’t be trusted” or “I don’t fit in”
• Why so many gay men feel isolated from other gay men, even when they crave connection
• How social media comparison can intensify shame, exclusion, and the feeling that you’re “not enough”
• The nervous system fears behind simple moments—like why saying “hello” at the gym can feel loaded with anxiety or rejection

This conversation is also deeply practical. John and Jerry share how to start interrupting the narrative loop—through small acts of courage, real-world connection, and community spaces that aren’t centered on partying or performance. From gym interactions to social groups, they reflect on how testing your assumptions in real life can dissolve the myths that keep you stuck.

If you’ve ever felt like you don’t belong, if you’ve judged yourself for being “too much” or “not enough,” or if you’ve pulled away from gay community out of fear—this episode offers language, compassion, and a path forward.

🎧 Listen and download the audio episode on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

📺 Watch the video podcast on YouTube: Mindfully Gay Podcast.

@mindfully_gay (Instagram)

Send us Fan Mail

Internalized Homophobia: The Stories We Tell About Ourselves (and Each Other)

Airs April 24

What if the hardest judgment you face isn’t coming from the outside world—but from the story you’ve learned to tell about yourself?

In this episode of The Mindfully Gay Podcast, hosts John Cottrell and Jerry Buie name a pattern many gay men quietly carry: internalized homophobia—the inherited beliefs, fears, and assumptions that can shape how we see ourselves, how we relate to other gay men, and how safe we feel showing up in community.

@mindfully_gay (Instagram)

Send us Fan Mail

What does queer community really need right now—and what happens when Pride becomes more than a parade, a slogan, or a once-a-year celebration?

In this special on-location episode of The Mindfully Gay Podcast, hosts John Cottrell and Jerry Buie step outside the studio and head to the Utah Pride Center in downtown Salt Lake City for an eye-opening conversation with Executive Director Chad Call. Together, they explore what it means to build authentic LGBTQ+ community in a time marked by political pressure, cultural shifts, financial uncertainty, and a growing hunger for connection.

This episode goes beyond surface-level ideas of Pride and gets to the heart of what many queer people are searching for right now: belonging, support, visibility, joy, healing, and meaningful community spaces. Chad offers a behind-the-scenes look at how the Utah Pride Center serves the LGBTQ+ community through youth programs, senior gatherings, therapy access, support groups, social events, volunteer opportunities, and grassroots outreach across the state of Utah.

John, Jerry, and Chad also discuss the changing needs of queer people today. Why are more people looking for community spaces that are not only about struggle, but also about celebration, creativity, friendship, and queer joy? How do LGBTQ+ organizations stay responsive when different groups within the community have different needs? And how can listeners support queer spaces that are working to unite, empower, and celebrate people in real and lasting ways?

The conversation also takes on difficult but necessary topics, including the current challenges facing Pride organizations across the country, the loss of corporate sponsorships, the importance of community-based funding, and the question of how LGBTQ+ spaces can remain inclusive while responding to urgent political realities. Throughout the episode, John and Jerry continue the Mindfully Gay mission of asking honest questions, making room for nuance, and amplifying voices across the queer community.

If you’ve ever wondered what a Pride Center actually does, why queer community spaces still matter, or how we can show up for one another in a more thoughtful and sustainable way, this is an episode you won’t want to miss.

@mindfully_gay (Instagram)