⚠️ WARNING: The bear-to-hat conversion rates discussed in this episode have not been independently verified.

Greg returns from London fascinated by Buckingham Palace, confused by royal traditions, and convinced that one bear could probably produce three ceremonial hats.

Things don’t improve from there.

The boys discuss Scotland’s national unicorn, UFOs over the Okavango Delta, tourists accidentally wandering through lion territory, and why a highly anticipated pangolin sighting turned out to be something considerably less exciting.

There’s also a safari guide who removed his shoes in preparation for a buffalo attack, mysterious floating lights in the African sky, tracking mistakes that sent vehicles across entire concessions, and Greg’s admission that he once spent over a kilometre pursuing a predator that was actually a planet.

Plus: wildlife conspiracies, professional bullshitters, Starlink satellites, celebrity Traitors strategies, and a reminder that confidence and competence are not always the same thing.

⚠️ WARNING: 🚨☢️‼️ Do not ingest snake venom - despite conversation to the contrary.

If you’re frightened of snakes, spiders, geese, meerkats, baboons or anything else with teeth, fangs, venom, claws, or a questionable attitude, proceed with caution...

With Rea back from Germany, what starts as a conversation about family roots, castles and beer quickly descends into a catalogue of childhood wildlife trauma.

Tristan reveals why he spent part of his childhood being hunted by a pet meerkat, Greg recounts the time a goose bit him in a particularly unfortunate location, and Rea explains why baboons use his roof as a giant playground slide.

Elsewhere, there’s a spider lurking in a school shoe, a puff adder mistaken for a python after a few too many drinks, professional snake-hunting dogs, and Greg admits to smuggling a four-metre Burmese python into a boarding school dormitory—with predictable consequences.

Plus: German surnames, venom myths, leopard-eating pythons, frogs in shoes, and further proof that growing up in southern Africa was wildly different to growing up almost anywhere else.

⚠️ WARNING: Wildlife filmmakers should not be trusted around scorpions, baboons, or basic health and safety…

With Rea still missing in Germany, Producer Mark steps out from behind the mixing desk once more. What follows is a deep dive into Tristan’s traumatic relationship with scorpions, including the time one stung him in bed… twice.

Elsewhere, Greg reveals an alarming desire to become a baboon, Tristan explains how he was defeated by a British fence, and there’s a behind-the-scenes look at the emotional damage caused by missed wildlife shots, why baboons are basically the Love Island contestants of the animal kingdom, and how one guide accidentally sent a safari vehicle chasing a lion that didn’t exist.

Plus: frozen mornings in the Okavango, burning trees as bush heaters, pub quiz humiliation, and Greg’s refusal to accept that a leopard probably isn’t about to kill a donkey.