⚠️ WARNING: The bear-to-hat conversion rates discussed in this episode have not been independently verified.

Greg returns from London fascinated by Buckingham Palace, confused by royal traditions, and convinced that one bear could probably produce three ceremonial hats.

Things don’t improve from there.

The boys discuss Scotland’s national unicorn, UFOs over the Okavango Delta, tourists accidentally wandering through lion territory, and why a highly anticipated pangolin sighting turned out to be something considerably less exciting.

There’s also a safari guide who removed his shoes in preparation for a buffalo attack, mysterious floating lights in the African sky, tracking mistakes that sent vehicles across entire concessions, and Greg’s admission that he once spent over a kilometre pursuing a predator that was actually a planet.

Plus: wildlife conspiracies, professional bullshitters, Starlink satellites, celebrity Traitors strategies, and a reminder that confidence and competence are not always the same thing.

⚠️ WARNING: 🚨☢️‼️ Do not ingest snake venom - despite conversation to the contrary.

If you’re frightened of snakes, spiders, geese, meerkats, baboons or anything else with teeth, fangs, venom, claws, or a questionable attitude, proceed with caution...

With Rea back from Germany, what starts as a conversation about family roots, castles and beer quickly descends into a catalogue of childhood wildlife trauma.

Tristan reveals why he spent part of his childhood being hunted by a pet meerkat, Greg recounts the time a goose bit him in a particularly unfortunate location, and Rea explains why baboons use his roof as a giant playground slide.

Elsewhere, there’s a spider lurking in a school shoe, a puff adder mistaken for a python after a few too many drinks, professional snake-hunting dogs, and Greg admits to smuggling a four-metre Burmese python into a boarding school dormitory—with predictable consequences.

Plus: German surnames, venom myths, leopard-eating pythons, frogs in shoes, and further proof that growing up in southern Africa was wildly different to growing up almost anywhere else.

⚠️ WARNING: Wildlife filmmakers should not be trusted around scorpions, baboons, or basic health and safety…

With Rea still missing in Germany, Producer Mark steps out from behind the mixing desk once more. What follows is a deep dive into Tristan’s traumatic relationship with scorpions, including the time one stung him in bed… twice.

Elsewhere, Greg reveals an alarming desire to become a baboon, Tristan explains how he was defeated by a British fence, and there’s a behind-the-scenes look at the emotional damage caused by missed wildlife shots, why baboons are basically the Love Island contestants of the animal kingdom, and how one guide accidentally sent a safari vehicle chasing a lion that didn’t exist.

Plus: frozen mornings in the Okavango, burning trees as bush heaters, pub quiz humiliation, and Greg’s refusal to accept that a leopard probably isn’t about to kill a donkey.

⚠️WARNING: Wildlife filmmakers should not be left unsupervised in the UK…

With Rea unexpectedly disappearing to Germany, Producer Mark is dragged out from behind the mixing desk and straight into the firing line. What follows is a deep dive into accidental porn-site fame, getting headbutted in the balls by a Cameroon sheep, and why wildlife cameramen apparently have an “unspoken rule” about filming animal genitalia.

Meanwhile, Greg continues struggling to adapt to civilisation — mistaking Labradors for predators and quietly judging Bristol fashion choices like an escaped Victorian explorer.

Elsewhere: giraffe poo “Maltesers”, bushman medicine involving mongoose droppings, tracking lions on foot with absolutely no protection, and a deeply serious debate over whether a human could win in a fight with a cheetah.

Spoiler: nobody involved is qualified to answer that question.

⚠️WARNING: Khaki fever spreads faster than wildfire…

From helicopter pilots stealing every girl in Botswana, to the brutal reality of long-distance relationships in lion country, Greg, Rea and Trist unpack what really happened when romance collided with bush life. Turns out smelling like diesel, sleeping in cars and disappearing into the bush for three days straight wasn’t exactly helping their chances.

Along the way: bush gym sessions beside stalking lions, dating apps set to different continents, terrifying termite-mound toilet breaks, and the accidental discovery that “rugged wildlife cameraman” was somehow less attractive than “guy with helicopter”.

Oh — and apparently the only thing that saved them all was Khaki Fever

⚠️WARNING: The boys get territorial and take a view on how 'influencers' should operate on their patch...

Earlier this year influencer iShowSpeed arrived in the Okavango on his African tour. His USP is to race people and animals. Trist, Greg and Rea discuss the benefits of influences bringing the place they shared as a home for many years to a much wider audience...and debunk just how successful 'Show' was when he tried to race ostriches and giraffes…!

WARNING: ⚠️ The boys accidentally make a surprisingly high-brow episode!

Despite starting the conversation about a recent coastal adventure spotting cows and an oyster catcher, because the fog was too thick, they quickly turn to the subject of happiness and whether they're happier in the UK or in Botswana.

Topics include:

• why British people say thank you and sorry every 14 seconds
• why Greg thinks Botswana is happier than Scandinavia
• cold water swimming
• red light therapy “for the mitochondria”
• whether forced positivity is actually positive
• why nobody in Botswana owns an eye mask
• and Producer Mark is slowly losing the will to live trying to organise 3 bushmen with no concept of a diary

Somewhere amongst the nonsense, the boys end up talking about modern life, distractions, friendship, and why waking up to lions might actually have been better for the soul.

Possibly our deepest episode yet...it won't last!

🎙️ Wildly Off Track – Ep6 out now.

⚠️ WARNING: Mind the [AGE] Gap ⚠️

Shamelessly hopping on the bandwagon (for the third most famous man on Earth behind Cristiano Ronaldo and Jesus, obviously), the boys celebrate 100 years of David Attenborough.

What cake do you buy a national treasure? And more importantly—what would you be doing at 100 if you made it that far?

Rea reflects on how Botswana—and the wider natural world—has shifted since Zoo Quest, and whether hauling animals out of the wild for zoos was ever really OK. Trist reminisces about landing his first big break on Our Planet II (yes, narrated by Sir David himself). Meanwhile, Greg attempts an Attenborough fact blitz… with varying levels of accuracy.

There’s reverence, there’s chaos, and somehow Boaty McBoatface makes it in.

A birthday tribute, WoT-style.