In this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success, Cindy Esliger explores a difficult truth about career growth: not everyone in a professional circle is invested in seeing someone succeed. She explains how women in engineering and other male-dominated workplaces can mistake politeness for genuine support, especially when supportive relationships feel scarce. Cindy challenges us to stop assuming that proximity equals loyalty and instead become intentional about who we trust, who we seek advice from, and who we allow to influence important career decisions.

Cindy outlines how to see five warning signs that someone may not be the ally they appear to be: 1. Watch how people react to our wins, 2. Notice who only reaches out when they need something, 3. Pay attention to chronic interrupters and dismissals, 4. Watch what people do when we show vulnerability, and 5. Watch for the people who introduce us as one of the boys, not as unique. She also challenges several flawed beliefs that keep us stuck in unhelpful relationships, including the idea that any mentor is better than no mentor, that networking means being nice to everyone, and that toxic relationships should be maintained because they might be useful someday.

To build a stronger support system, Cindy encourages us to create a career board of directors intentionally made up of five key roles: 1. Cheerleaders, 2. Allies, 3. Mentors, 4. Advocates, and 5. Supporters. She also shares six practical strategies for evaluating current relationships, creating distance from energy-draining connections, building honest feedback loops, and ensuring a support network evolves alongside career goals. Her message is clear: a carefully curated inner circle is not just a nice-to-have. It can become a powerful competitive advantage.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Auditing Your Career Circle
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success, Cindy Esliger dives into an uncomfortable workplace reality: some people genuinely want to see us succeed, while others see us as a convenient stepping stone for their own advancement. She explains how many of us, especially women in male-dominated environments, are conditioned to be helpful and accommodating without questioning whether those relationships are reciprocal. Cindy discusses how misplaced loyalty, people-pleasing, and a lack of discernment lead us to invest valuable time and energy in relationships that drain our resources while advancing someone else's agenda.

Cindy examines four limiting beliefs that keep us trapped in unhealthy workplace dynamics: 1. We should help everyone who asks because it’s the right thing to do. 2. If we’re too cautious about who we trust, we’ll seem paranoid or difficult. 3. We need to prove our worth by being selfless and accommodating. 4. Everyone is watching and judging us, so we can’t afford to be selective. She also shares six warning signs that someone may see us as a pawn rather than a valued colleague, including one-sided reciprocity, private support without public backing, credit and recognition issues, emotional manipulation, energy draining interactions, and gaslighting disguised as support.

To help us build healthier professional relationships, Cindy outlines five overlooked insights. She encourages perspective taking, understanding the difference between commitment and compliance, paying attention to specific recognition, remembering that most people are focused on themselves, and recognizing that people get more of what they tolerate. She then details six practical strategies that help us focus on what we can control: 1. Develop a boundary script arsenal, 2. Address issues early, 3. Shift our self-talk, 4. Anticipate the testing of our boundaries, 5. Move beyond our fear of judgment, and 6. Follow through. Cindy challenges us to conduct an energy audit of our workplace relationships and invest intentionally in people who genuinely support our growth and long-term success.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Building Your Real Support System At Work
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success, Cindy Esliger explores why so many professionals achieve a goal only to immediately move the goalposts and focus on what is still not enough. She explains how productivity can become a form of self-soothing, especially in environments where recognition is scarce and we feel we need to constantly prove our value. Cindy examines the connection between achievement and self-worth, and why relying on external validation creates a cycle where success never feels satisfying.

We need to learn to distinguish between productive discomfort and true misalignment. Productive discomfort signals growth and expansion into new territory, while misalignment feels like climbing a ladder that’s leaning against the wrong wall. Cindy challenges us to evaluate whether we’re pursuing goals that genuinely reflect our values or are simply chasing recognition that may never arrive. She also outlines five beliefs that keep us trapped in moving our own goalposts: 1. If we keep proving ourselves, we’ll finally be recognized, 2. Slowing down or setting boundaries will make us seem uncommitted, 3. We can’t afford to make mistakes or show vulnerability, 4. We need to do it all to prove we can handle it, and 5. Changing direction means we failed.

Cindy outlines six workplace red flags that can normalize this pattern and seven practical strategies to regain control: 1. Design our own scorecard, 2. Distinguish between productive and performative work, 3. Set boundaries as strategic career moves, 4. Channel anxiety into action, not affirmation, 5. Build selective vulnerability, 6. Create decision criteria for our career ladder before we pursue a new goal, and 7. Practice less control. Cindy’s message is that success should be measured by alignment with personal values, not by endlessly chasing validation. Sometimes the bravest career move is recognizing that a path no longer fits and giving ourselves permission to choose a different one.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Recognizing When You're Moving Your Own Goalposts
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Cindy Esliger addresses the uncomfortable truth that technical competence is really only the price of admission in today’s workplace, not advancement, especially for women navigating male-dominated industries. We tend to believe that keeping our heads down and producing excellent work will naturally lead to advancement, but Cindy explains why career growth depends just as much on communication, relationship building, emotional intelligence, and political savvy. She discusses the double bind women face when developing these skills and why waiting for technical excellence alone to be recognized can quietly stall a career.

As organizations evolve faster than ever, technical expertise without strong people skills can leave us stuck in individual contributor roles while others move into leadership. Cindy breaks down four common problems women often face in this environment: 1. The invisibility trap, 2. The likability penalty, 3. The catch-up cycle, and 4. The promotion pitfall. She also highlights six warning signs that career growth may be blocked, including avoiding office politics, staying too long in the same role, and struggling to communicate accomplishments in business terms instead of technical details.

Cindy shares six practical strategies that focus on what we can control: 1. Start future-proofing your career now, 2. Be intentional about projecting both confidence and competence, 3. Develop soft skills with the same rigor as technical skills, 4. Think globally and stay ahead of change, 5. Prepare for transition before a promotion happens, and 6. Take inventory regularly and stay proactive about development. The workplace increasingly rewards people who can combine technical expertise with interpersonal skills. Cindy reminds us that these skills can be learned and that developing them creates more options and long-term career resilience.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Future-Proofing Your Career
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Cindy Esliger explores why personal and professional growth often feels threatening. This feeling can be compounded for women working in environments where they already feel constant pressure to prove themselves. Admitting that we are improving can feel risky because it means acknowledging that we didn’t always have all the answers. Cindy explains how many of us were conditioned through school and early experiences to avoid failure at all costs, even though career success and innovation require experimentation and mistakes. She discusses the hidden pressures women face while trying to grow, including perfectionism, double standards, and the emotional labor of constantly managing how they are perceived.

Cindy outlines four common pitfalls women encounter when they begin owning their growth: 1. The double bind, 2. The perfectionism trap, 3. The language audit problem, and 4. Invisible labor. She also shares six warning signs to watch for in professional environments: 1. Growth being framed as ‘catching up’, 2. Moving goalposts, 3. Isolation, 4. The humble trap, 5. Comparison culture, and 6. Shame-fuelled perfectionism and fear of failure. Cindy reframes the beliefs that keep people stuck, challenging the idea that failure proves incompetence. Instead, she explains that growth comes from learning to cope with frustration, confusion, disappointment, and even humiliation without giving up.

To help make growth more manageable, Cindy shares five practical strategies: 1. Create a proof of progress file, 2. Do a language audit, 3. Use the cope and adjust framework, 4. Embrace strategic failure, and 5. Apply the momentum principle. She explains that confidence is not built by avoiding failure, but by repeatedly surviving it and continuing forward anyway. The ability to fail, learn, and keep moving becomes one of the most valuable career skills we can develop. Cindy encourages us to stop waiting for external validation, start documenting our progress, and recognize that becoming better than before requires courage.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Owning Your Growth Without Apology
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Cindy Esliger unpacks the hidden cost of self-doubt and how hesitation quietly sabotages career growth. In competitive workplaces, many women spend too much time overthinking conversations and waiting to feel ready. We hold back instead of speaking up. Cindy explains that confidence is not a personality trait that a few of us luck into; it’s a skill that can be developed. Action, resilience, and self-trust are the keys to growing confidence, and she highlights how, without them, holding back can damage our visibility, momentum, and professional reputation over time.

Many of us believe confidence means being the loudest person in the room, but Cindy challenges that idea. Real confidence is about genuine presence. Cindy outlines five common pitfalls that keep brilliant women stuck: 1. Confusing confidence with extroversion, 2. Perfectionism, 3. People pleasing, 4. Risk aversion, and 5. The readiness illusion. These patterns often feel responsible or safe, but they slowly reinforce self-doubt and make it harder to step into leadership opportunities.

Cindy states that the real consequences of constantly playing small include burnout and resentment, stalled career growth, and missed opportunities. She shares five red flags to watch for in our own behavior: 1. Using diminishing phrases to preface ideas, 2. Waiting to be called to speak, 3. Declining opportunities because we don’t meet all criteria, 4. Attributing our success to luck instead of competence, and 5. Avoiding opportunities to share our expertise. Cindy offers practical strategies for growing confidence from within, like keeping promises to ourselves, practicing self-compassion, and creating reset rituals, among others. The goal is not to become someone else, but to stop letting outdated thought patterns dictate how we show up at work.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Building Your Confidence
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, Cindy Esliger explores the difficult balance between standing up for ourselves at work and maintaining professionalism. This is especially true in environments where women in STEM are talked over or subjected to inappropriate comments. She explains that staying silent in the face of disrespect can quietly damage confidence and credibility and, over time, will impede career growth. Cindy explores the beliefs that keep us trapped in silence, including the pressure to keep the peace to avoid being labeled difficult. She points out that we’re trained to prioritize everyone else’s comfort over our own boundaries, and ultimately shares how to respond with more authority.

Cindy discusses the professional and personal costs of tolerating disrespect, including burnout, resentment, damaged self-esteem, and missed leadership opportunities. Unaddressed boundary violations tend to compound over time, and she explains why staying silent teaches others how we’re willing to be treated. She outlines six red flags that make workplace dynamics worse: 1. Avoid overcompensating with aggression, 2. Stop apologizing for having boundaries, 3. Don’t back down when people test you, 4. Stop making it your job to comfort others, 5. Don’t be vague about what we need, and 6. Inconsistent enforcement destroys the integrity of our word. She also breaks down the manipulation tactics people may use to avoid accountability and why recognizing those tactics matters.

To help us respond more effectively in difficult situations, Cindy shares practical strategies for reclaiming authority without escalating conflict. She shares four common scenarios and how to handle them: 1. What to say when we’re talked over, 2. What to say when somebody makes an inappropriate comment, 3. How to get time when we need to process what just happened, and 4. The options for explaining when our boundaries have been violated. Cindy encourages us to prepare phrases ahead of time, pay attention to physical signals from our bodies, and get clear on our limits before situations arise. Taking the high road does not mean becoming a doormat. It means holding firm boundaries while remaining calm, tactful, and aligned with personal values.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Standing Your Ground
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode, Cindy Esliger explores why fawning in the workplace impacts your career. Fawning is that automatic “yes” that shows up before there’s even time to think. She explains how fawning is not just people pleasing, but a nervous system response that activates when fight, flight, or freeze aren’t adequate options. In professional environments, this often looks like overcommitting and constantly scanning for how everyone around us might be feeling. While it can feel like being a good team player, Cindy highlights that fawning is actually rooted in a need to feel safe and how external validation becomes addictive.

Cindy breaks down how fawning shows up day to day, from softening every message with apologies to avoiding conflict, and even shape-shifting to match other people’s expectations. She points out that this pulls attention away from internal understanding, leaving no room to access personal opinions or instincts. Over time, this leads to taking on disproportionate emotional labor and low-visibility work while others focus on projects that lead to advancement. Cindy details rooted in a need to feel safe and that external validation can become, or not others are mad at us, 3. We don’t share technical opinions or expertise out of fear of being disliked, and 4. We take on a disproportionate amount of administrative and emotional work that doesn’t lead to advancement.

The long-term impact is significant. Fawning erodes credibility, contributes to burnout and resentment, and can stall career growth despite strong performance. More deeply, Cindy explains, it disconnects us from our own sense of self and reinforces the belief that validation comes from others. She reframes this pattern as an adaptive response rather than a flaw, and encourages building internal validation and the capacity to tolerate discomfort. The goal isn’t to stop being collaborative, but to recognize when our responses are driven by fear instead of choice, so we can show up with more agency.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Guide to Recognizing Your Fawn Response
• Astronomic Audio
• Confidence Collective

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Contact Cindy Esliger

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.